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7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make
Wednesday, September 28th, 2011 | Q&A, Uncategorized | No Comments
I always believe it is important to discuss things with your future spouse before they become an issue…less chance for a heated argument - and more opportunity to discover where you’re both coming from. My husband & I sometimes teach marriage prep classes so I’m a big believer in discuss, discuss, discuss….but just in case you haven’t discussed…here are some helpful tips from our friends at thenest.com:
Mistake #1: Not Dealing With Debt
Newsflash: Money is the #1 thing couples fight about. Fess up about your personal debt — because for better or worse — and then set up a financial game plan.
Mistake #2: Alienating Your Friends
Friends are key for a successful marriage, so tag along on those girls’ nights out. Just because you’re not guy-hunting doesn’t mean you can’t be a supportive wingwoman.
Mistake #3: Not Having Enough Sex
Over 60 percent of newlyweds we surveyed were already in a sex rut! Yeah, you’re busy, but that’s not a good enough excuse not to get busy. Initiate sex, even if you don’t feel like it or have to schedule it. If you get in the habit of having it, you’ll start wanting it (and liking it) more.
Mistake #4: Letting Yourself Go
So you put on the “newlywed nine.” Big whoop…you’ve already found your mate, right? Wrong! Make a plan to get fit together or at least respect each other’s goals.
Mistake #5: Outlawing the In-Laws
Fifty percent of couples we surveyed have a problematic relationship with their in-laws (ya think?). Manage expectations, like saying you’ll call on Sundays so his mom doesn’t guilt-trip you for ignoring her weekday messages. Even if your spouse is bitching about his family, resist the urge to chime in. It’ll bite you in the butt later.
Mistake #6: Crazy Fighting
Getting hitched isn’t a free pass to hit below the belt (sorry!). When you’re getting really heated, walk away to cool down for a few minutes.
Mistake #7: Becoming Baby-Obsessed
It’s easy to fixate on that next big step, but chill out — the average couple has a kid within three years of marriage. So really, why rush? Savor the moments (and vacations you can take!) now…when you won’t have to be waking up for a brutal 4 a.m. feeding.
happiness…
Monday, April 25th, 2011 | Uncategorized | No Comments
The three components of happiness are:
* something to do
* someone to love
* something to look forward to
“Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now ” - Gordon Livingstone, MD
fight fair
Monday, March 14th, 2011 | Q&A, Uncategorized | No Comments
You can live in a fantasy world, where you think you will never disagree. Why? Because “We just love each other so much.” Well, guess what? That is just not reality. The only way a marriage will never have confrontation is if your spouse always gives in and never challenges anything you do. If this is you, prepare yourself: this is a sign of a very unhealthy marriage.
Since disagreement and confrontations will inevitably come up in your marriage, a great idea is to set some guidelines that will help you through those times and come out as a stronger couple and partnership.
The way you approach a disagreement will largely depend on 2 things:
The Way You Were Raised
When I was younger, I thought all issues in the world were resolved the way my dad confronted them. We would sit down and unemotionally go over whatever the problem was until it was resolved. This method was quite foreign to my wife’s family experience. If I saw something in Carol that I thought was important to confront, it was best for me to package it into a short and concise statement, and then leave it with her. Trying to talk it through on the spot (like I would have with my father) only made the matters worse. We both came to realize very early in our marriage that neither of our family experiences was going to be the model that worked for us.
How was your family experience different from your partner’s? Did you come from a broken home where issues didn’t get resolved? No matter how you were brought up, you can find something that works for your marriage. It is never fun to be confronted, but since it is going to happen, ask your partner the method they would most prefer.
Your Personality Type
There are some people that love to confront and others that try to avoid it. If you are a confronter, pause for a moment and ask yourself if the issue is worth raising. What is your motivation? Is your purpose to help your spouse become a better person, or do you just want them to change to be more like you?
On the other hand, if you’re avoiding confrontation, is that simply because you’re afraid of it? Would your relationship stand on healthier ground if you were to discuss the issue? If you avoid confrontation, you are not doing your marriage any favours. Your spouse will often never know what bothers you unless you tell him or her. By just stewing about something instead of dealing with it, the problem only grows.
Timing is everything.
Here are a few ideas to help you pick the right time:
Don’t start talking about a contentious issue as you are going out. You will ruin your evening if you don’t have enough time to resolve things, and you’ll dwell on the issue the entire time.
Don’t let a problem be the first thing you raise after getting together after work. Let those first moments be kept for showing each other how excited you are see each other.
Never pick a time when there are others around. It will be awkward for them and embarrassing for your spouse.
If you are not ready to deal with something, tell your spouse that you would like to give it a bit of time to think. If you are going to push it off for a while, tell your partner how much time you need. You can’t avoid issues forever and expect a happy marriage.
One last thing: Never attack the person.
There are words to avoid, which if used, will prolong your agony and leave battle scars. Avoid phrases like, “You always” and “You never.” They are rarely true and will provide something else to argue about.
Avoid words that attack the person and not the problem. By saying, “You are a slob,” you’re attacking the person, but by saying “Your actions are messy,” you address the problem. Similarly, “You’re such a crab” attacks the person, but “You seem to be complaining a lot,” addresses the problem.
If you are prone to getting angry, practise talking slower and at a lower pitch. The goal is not to out-shout your spouse, but to help him or her see things from another perspective, or find some middle ground that you can both live with.
When a resolution is found, apologies may be needed (depending on what has transpired) before you can move on. I heard a story of a husband coming to his wife saying,“I’m sorry.” Her response came with a wagging of her finger: “I’ve seen sorry, and this isn’t it.” Make sure your apology is sincere and heart-felt. If you have wronged your spouse, an “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it. You will need to use the words, “Will you forgive me?” It is humbling to say this, but necessary to put it behind you.
After all is said and apologies are made, let the fun part begin. Disagreements are so much easier to take if you know that making up will follow. Since disagreements will come, and maybe some heated verbal exchanges as well, take comfort that you are not alone and working through these issues will only make your marriage stronger.
Source: Parrott, Less III and Leslie Parrott. “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before (and After) You Marry.” Zondervan, 1995.
Happy Valentine’s Day
Monday, February 14th, 2011 | Uncategorized | No Comments
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Saint Valentine’s Day, commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day, is an annual commemoration held on February 14th celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The day is named after an early Christian martyr, Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, but its religious observance is still permitted. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
Modern Valentine’s Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.
Whatever the history…it’s a MARVELOUS excuse for eating good chocolate! mmmm…
kim + mike
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011 | Uncategorized | No Comments
We’re just thrilled that we get to plan one of our own planner’s weddings…
Congratulations to Kim + Mike!! We’re SO happy for you.
xoxox
happy ho, ho, ho!!
Friday, December 24th, 2010 | Uncategorized | No Comments
We’d like to wish everyone a very happy holiday season…
and all good things for 2011….
cheers!!
Welcome Sophie Rose
Monday, November 1st, 2010 | Uncategorized | No Comments
Congratulations to Kim + Mike!!
Sophie is just gorgeous…we can’t wait to meet her.
Mom & baby are both doing well…
xoxo
Let There Be Light!
Thursday, June 24th, 2010 | Uncategorized, trends | 2 Comments
We just received a shipment of 30 candelabras - and they’re SO pretty! We love them because they’re elegant & simple. They work really well with a more traditional decor - but I just love that they’re so streamlined they look fabulous with sleek & contemporary and everything in between.
We love using really large versions of these candelabras for the head table.
They’re a great & affordable way to add some drama - and also punctuate the head table.
Can there ever be too many candles?? We think not…let there be light…warm, glowy, flattering candlelight that is!!
Happy Holidays from The Wedding Planner!!
Friday, December 18th, 2009 | Uncategorized | No Comments
We wish everyone a very happy holidays and all good things for 2010…here’s to lots of luscious weddings in the New Year. xoxo Lisa, Kim & Val
Irish & Italian Intoxicating Fun!
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 | Uncategorized, trends, weddings | No Comments
To say working with Natalie & Joe was fun in an understatement! We had just under three months to plan a wedding that would reflect their enthusiasm and sunny personalities. We kept the decor simple for the ceremony as we wanted the reception to have more WOW!
And did it ever WOW! Classic chocolate brown was brought to a whole new level with punches of orange and tiffany blue. Everything about this wedding was big bold, and fun. From the 20 person head table, to the martini luge, to the candy buffet unlike any of us had ever seen before!
We kept the overall feeling classy by having simple and elegant centerpieces, monogram and cake design.
After the honeymoon Natalie & Joe stopped by to tell me what a wonderful time they had! I can honestly say that we had the best time too!
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