Archive for January, 2012

Peggy Post’s Top Ten Honeymoon Tips (6-10)

Friday, January 27th, 2012 | etiquette, travel | No Comments

Here are the remaining tips for honeymoon planning. I wouldn’t have paid much attention to the ones about having someone look after pets, etc. at the time we got married…I’m glad we didn’t have our pug Lulu then as I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed being away for almost a month…and it would’ve been a huge shame to have missed out on our 3.5 weeks in Italy…they were perfect and glorious! The other destination that was in the running was Bora Bora…those glorious over water huts…


6. Take care of the caretakers. As a matter of security as well as courtesy and common sense, leave a written schedule of your trip, including telephone numbers, with the people who maintain your home, take care of pets, water plants, or pick up mail. The same, of course, applies if you have children and you’re leaving them with a relative or other caregiver. Be sure to give your parents or other close relatives copies of your schedule, as well. Take with you on your honeymoon the phone numbers of any caretakers. Leave written instructions for feeding pets, giving medications, or watering plants. Be sure to stock up on food and the like so that caretakers are not obligated to spend money on supplies. Don’t forget to write thank-you notes and perhaps even purchase small gifts for those people who took care of things while you were away.

7. Don’t neglect post-wedding tasks. Take care of post wedding loose ends so that they don’t burden anyone else while you are away on your honeymoon. It’s fine to delegate tasks to others; just make the arrangements ahead of time. These jobs could include dealing with rental returns, keeping an eye out for wedding gift deliveries, mailing your wedding announcements, and delivering your wedding gown to storage.

8.  Plan for wedding announcements. If you’re sending wedding announcements, it’s a good idea to have them addressed and stamped before the wedding, either by you or someone helping you. Ideally, they should go into the mail soon after your wedding day. Traditionally announcements are mailed the day after the wedding, but that’s no longer necessary. Mailing announcements anytime a few days- or even weeks- after your big day is fine. Ask a friend or relative to mail your announcements if you would like them sent during the time you’re away on your honeymoon.

9. Set aside time to talk. It’s easy for couples who are swept up in countless pre-wedding details and duties to become somewhat myopic about preparing for life after the wedding. Make sure to set aside time during the honeymoon to discuss ways to make the transition to married life go smoothly. For example, the realities of keeping a household budget and dividing household chores are something you’ll need to discuss. Talk about how you plan to communicate in general, making sure you are both committed to open communication. It helps enormously to commit from the start to a certain flexibility and willingness to compromise- and to stick to it. It’s a lifelong pledge.

10.  Pamper, indulge, relax! This should be a once-in-a-lifetime event for the two of you. So don’t be afraid to splurge on a few extras. It could be his and hers massages at the hotel spa – or supplies for giving each other spa treatments in the privacy of your own room. Other possibilities: a sunset sail if you’re near a beach, or an extravagant meal of lobster tails and filet mignon. Whatever the indulgence – enjoy! This is a special time.

“Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette” (fifth edition), 2006, p.379

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Peggy Post’s Top Ten Honeymoon Tips (1-5)

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012 | etiquette, travel | No Comments

I know that when my husband & I got married I was way more excited about the honeymoon than the wedding. I’m not sure if that is a professional hazard of being a wedding planner or not…so many wedding planners come to the business after they plan their own wedding and I had been planning weddings for 12 or 13 years before I got married…so perhaps the wedding felt like old hat to me…I’m not sure…but I know that I was SO excited about the honeymoon…that was the part that was just about the two of us…and the 3.5 weeks in Italy were absolute PERFECTION!!

This was the view off of our terrace above Positano…sigh…why do I torment myself looking at this photo in the middle of winter?!?


Thank you to Peggy Post for these great honeymoon tips:

The honeymoon is the romantic interlude bridging your past and future lives. It’s the time to revel in your nuptial bliss and recuperate from the hectic planning and activities of the weeks and months before the
wedding – and from the big day itself. Here are some tips to help make the honeymoon live up to the romantic myth – and create an experience that you’ll both look back on fondly for years to come.

1.      Tap into the tradition.  In the Middle Ages, mead, a fermented drink made with honey (the symbol of fertility, health, and life), was drunk by the bride and groom for thirty days – the cycle of the
moon. During this period, the couple stayed hidden from their parents and friends, the mead no doubt loosening their inhibitions and getting the marriage off to an auspicious start. Even if you have been together for quite some time, you can enrich your getaway by tapping into the traditional spirit of the honeymoon as a period of treasured communion between the couple – a time like no other.
Note: You certainly do not need to drink mead, or other alcoholic beverages!

2.      Plan together.  Both of you should be involved in planning the honeymoon. That includes doing the research, meeting with a travel agent, and making reservations. Discuss what type of honeymoon
experience you want. A lazy beach retreat? A tour of a European country? A week of sky and scuba diving? Make sure you are in agreement. If you dream of biking in Italy, but he’s visualizing cocktails by the pool, aim for something in the middle.

3.      Plan ahead.  The honeymoon, for many couples, is a top-priority decision – with good reason! Some couples make all of their other wedding decisions around their honeymoon plans. Make the preliminary decisions as early as possible, such as the honeymoon date, location, transportation, accommodations, and length of stay.

4.      Set a honeymoon budget. Honeymoons need to be planned in advance for budgetary reasons as well. It is all too easy to get caught up in the frenzy of planning the wedding and reception, only to find you don’t have the funds you need for the honeymoon you dreamed of. So don’t forget to add up all of the expected
(and unexpected) costs of the honeymoon. Beyond transportation and lodging, the honeymoon budget should also include meals, transfers, souvenirs, sightseeing and sports-related costs, tips, taxes, and the little luxuries, like a massage or poolside charges for lounge chairs and towels.

5.      If you have children, plan for them and your honeymoon. Many couples marrying for the second time bring children into the marriage. Remarriage can be unsettling for kids, especially for young children who are dependent on their parent. They may feel that they are being abandoned or will become less important in your
life. If your kids feel threatened by your marriage, you may rightly be concerned about leaving them immediately after the wedding to go on a honeymoon. This is a clear conflict, as you and your new spouse may be eager – and certainly deserve – to share some private time together.

Some couples decide to take their kids on the honeymoon with them, making the trip a family vacation. This is fine – as long as you and your mate are enthusiastic and in complete agreement about this. Others find ways to divide their honeymoon, with the first part a time for the two of them alone and the second part a trip as a new family. This gives your children something to look forward to during the few days you are away from them.

Or you could plan a special kids’ party after you get home from the honeymoon. If you do decide to take a honeymoon away from your kids, think of ways to remember them while you are gone. Call often and send plenty of postcards or e-mails. You can even make videotapes or audiotapes to mail overnight to your children, describing your vacation spot and sending your love.

“Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette” (fifth edition), 2006, p.378

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the etiquette of gift registries

Saturday, January 21st, 2012 | etiquette, Q&A | No Comments



Q: We recently went to register for our wedding and the store clerk offered us registry enclosure cards to include in our invitations. Is this acceptable? We were also a bit unsure what to register for. Help!

A: No, no, a thousand times, no! It may seem helpful, but it is never acceptable to enclose a registry notice or gift wish list with your invitation. Never. Ever.

One of the major etiquette dangers is the method of informing your guests about your registries. The stores themselves help perpetuate this etiquette no-no by offering you the offensive invitation enclosures.

Your gift registry can be one of the most fun aspects of planning your wedding (”Here, honey, just point this gun at things and voila, they’re on our wish list!”) but it can also prove to be an etiquette minefield.

The first major issue is the registry itself. Today’s engaged couples often have established households of their own, so a registry is an excellent way for your guests to know what you actually need (Oh look! Another toaster! Everyone needs four toasters, don’t they?). Make sure you think carefully about what you actually need and make a wish list that is agreeable to both you and your partner.

Your guests have different budgets, so register for items in a variety of price ranges. You cannot expect all of your guests to spring for that $400 food processor, or that they will be happy buying you one teaspoon because at $100 a piece it is the only thing on your registry they can afford. A thoughtful gift registry gives everyone the opportunity to buy you something you will love.

These days, it is also perfectly acceptable to register for nontraditional items such as hardware, sporting goods, charitable donations, or, yes, even the honeymoon. Keep in mind, though, that although lifestyle gifts are appropriate, some people are going to prefer giving you something tangible.

You may prefer to receive money, which is traditional in many cultures, or contributions to your honeymoon fund, but you cannot tell your guests what to give you. It is just not polite to request gifts of ANY kind. Giving a wedding gift is the socially acceptable thing to do – but no one is really obligated to buy you a gift. Informing your guests what kind of gift you would like at the same time you are inviting them to your wedding is like telling them the gift is more important than their attendance.

The way to let people know where you’re registered is via word of mouth.

Make sure your bridal party and family know where you are registered or if you have a preference for a more non-traditional gift. Then you have to wait until someone asks where you are registered, and just cross your fingers!

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