media
{ style me pretty }
Thursday, September 8th, 2011 | media, weddings | No Comments
One of our recent weddings is now being featured on Style Me Pretty
Radelle Jensen of Eternal Reflections took such gorgeous shots…
{ ask the expert }
Thursday, August 4th, 2011 | Q&A, etiquette, media | No Comments
Originally published in Weddings in Alberta Magazine, August 2011.
We have a lot of guests traveling from out of town for our wedding. What are we expected to pay for? How involved should we be in the planning of their stay?
Some couples make the decision to factor their out-of-town guests’ hotel rooms into their budget (or all of their guests’ rooms if they’ve chosen an out-of-town venue), but for the vast majority of couples, this is not common. You should absolutely arrange for a block of rooms with a good room rate at one or more hotels, but you are not obligated to pay for their rooms.
You should also put some time and effort into making your out-of-town guests feel welcome: provide a list of suggested of activities in town, perhaps a welcome bag for their hotel rooms (even something as simple as a bottle of water, snacks and a little note is always very much appreciated), and if possible, invite your out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner and/or the day-after brunch.
We are not having a wedding party for our very intimate day. What should we do with the rings and who should hold my bouquet during the ceremony?
Intimate weddings are just lovely—there’s no need to worry about not having a wedding party. Your officiant can take your bouquet from you at the appropriate moment and set it down on the altar or signing table and you can retrieve it after you’ve done the signing so you’ll have it for your recessional back down the aisle. As for the rings, you have a couple of choices: either give them to the officiant before the ceremony or your fiancé can put them both in his pocket and hand them to the officiant during the ceremony.
We’ve had a major misunderstanding with our caterer, and now they are no longer in our budget. What do we do?
First, check your contract to see if your deposit is refundable or if it is even possible to cancel your contract (this usually depends on the amount of time until your date: is your wedding still a year away or is it next weekend? Typically the nearer your date, the less flexibility you’re going to have in the contract). If there’s no time to find another caterer or if you’re locked into your contract (or you can’t afford to give up your deposit), you’ll need to take a deep breath and adjust the vision for your reception.
Perhaps you can eliminate a course (or two) to get the costs back in your budget range. If it really was a major misunderstanding and it is not feasible to hire another caterer to take over, you might need to go so far as changing your reception from a sit-down dinner to a cocktail reception. If you do change from a sit-down to a cocktail reception, make sure to alter the start time of your reception so your guests won’t be expecting a full meal.
If you are able to get your deposit back and get out of your contract with your caterer, find your way to a more affordable caterer (ask your other vendors and talk to other brides for recommendations), but make sure to do a tasting and be very clear about your expectations and compare it to what they’re able to deliver before you commit to anything.
If none of these options is viable, you really only have one other alternative (if your invitations haven’t gone out yet): you’ll have to cut your guest list to a number that will make your caterer fit in your budget. This can be difficult and fraught with familial discord, but you need to pick an option that won’t break the budget while still allowing you to enjoy your big day. Whatever you decide…good luck and bon appetit!
We’re not sure if we want to do a cake cutting and all that goes with it. Why do couples cut the cake and feed it to each other?
The wedding cake dates back to Roman times when the cake was actually part of the ceremony. The customs and symbolism surrounding the wedding cake have morphed—sometimes rather unpleasantly (breaking the cake over the brides head anyone?)—over the years, but now the cutting of the cake symbolizes the first task the bride and groom complete as a married couple.
Many couples include the cake cutting purely for the photo op and the enjoyment of their guests. It’s always a favorite moment for guests to take a pic of the happy couple. Feel free to skip the “feed it to each other” part unless you have a burning desire to do so. Have your photographer or planner tell you the best angle for your photo op: both of you hold the handle of the knife and make a cut in the bottom or middle layer. When you’ve completed the cut, keep your hands on the knife, look up and smile—you’ll probably need to hold the pose for several minutes while all the guests get their photos.
Even if you plan to have cupcakes or macarons instead of a cake, it’s nice to have a small cake so you can make the ceremonial cut. However, there’s no reason you have to have a wedding cake at all – perhaps your venue is known for a particularly fabulous type of dessert which you’d rather serve your guests. But if you do decide to have the wedding cake your guests will expect you to cut it…let them cut cake!
balancing the wedding budget with etiquette
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011 | Q&A, etiquette, media | No Comments
Personal Finance
Balancing the wedding budget with etiquette
Roma Luciw
From Monday’s Globe and Mail
Published Sunday, Jul. 31, 2011
When Laura Helm gets married this fall, she plans to do it all for under $5,000.
The 45-year-old Oshawa bride is tying the knot in front of 65 people on a Friday that falls on Remembrance Day, which made the venue and caterer cheaper. The guest list is mostly family, and single people were not asked to bring a date.
“We want to get married. We just don’t want to spend a fortune doing it,” says Ms. Helm, especially since it is the second marriage for each of them.
To cover their alcohol costs, they will have a “toonie bar” – where guests pay $2 for their drinks while the couple pays for the rest.
Lisa Hanslip of the Wedding Planner Inc. in Calgary says that while she encourages couples to have a budget, adhering to proper wedding etiquette is equally important.
For instance, keeping the guest list down by inviting people without kids or dates is completely acceptable, but she discourages couples from having a cash bar.
Ms. Hanslip offers these financial tips for people planning or attending a wedding this summer:
Gift: Cash or flatware?
While it is acceptable for guests to give money as a wedding present, it is definitely not all right for the bride and groom to ask for it. For instance, mentioning in the invitation where you are registered or that you are interested in getting cash is considered gauche. It’s the job of the bridal party and close family to disseminate information about gift-registries, etc., but only if the guests ask. Ultimately, guests are free to buy whatever gift they want.
How much should you spend?
This depends on two things: how well you know the couple and your financial circumstances. While it also depends on what part of the country you’re in, $50 to $150 per guest is a good range. If a couple registers, they should have items at many price points – no one wants to spend $200 on one silver teaspoon.
Can you ask the parents to kick in?
It’s definitely acceptable to ask parents for money to help with the wedding. Remember: If you’re going to ask for a monetary contribution, be prepared to receive their input.
Can I do a wedding brunch?
You can sometimes get a more affordable venue by opting for a non-Saturday wedding. A Sunday brunch can be lovely – and save you a fortune on alcohol.
Is it all right to have a cash bar?
If you can’t afford to feed and serve drinks to all of your guests, you are inviting too many people. If you absolutely must have a cash bar, opt for a toonie bar after dinner so your guests will still feel like guests and can opt to leave after dinner before they’ll need to fish out their wallets.
Can we invite singles without a date?
If you are having a small or medium-sized wedding, it is absolutely fine to invite singles without a date. In fact, trimming your guest list is the best way to keep your budget in check. Kids are not invited, unless they’re specifically mentioned on the invitation. As a guest, you should respect the couple’s wishes for an elegant soiree sans children and get a babysitter.
Are gifts for guests necessary?
A small take-home gift from the bride and groom is increasingly the norm, but it certainly isn’t a requirement. The cutesy little favours are almost always a waste of money – less than half usually even leave the reception site, and most end up in the trash the next day. Some couples are now replacing the favour with a charitable donation.
Do bridesmaids’ dresses have to match?
If your bridesmaids are paying for their dresses, you must keep their financial circumstances in mind. Consider deciding on a colour and length and then letting them choose their own dresses – they are less likely to resent paying for them, and they are more likely to wear the dresses again. Agreeing to be part of a wedding party can be a huge financial burden. The cost of a stagette, a shower gift, a wedding gift and the wedding-day outfit can quickly add up.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/balancing-the-wedding-budget-with-etiquette/article2115702/
Peacock Paradise
Monday, July 11th, 2011 | media, testimonials, trends, weddings | No Comments
We’re thrilled to be featured again in Weddings in Alberta.
The Proposal
Erin and Devlin first met at a party, ten years ago. Seating was tight and they ended up sitting together. They hit it off, but Erin started to feel a bit under the weather. After he helped her to the bathroom throughout the evening, she knew that Devlin was a keeper. After dating for nearly 8 years, during which time Erin had lost her father, the couple knew it was time to tie the knot but a large, extravagant wedding was the last thing on their minds. Deciding to elope, they booked a trip to Vegas, Erin bought a little white dress at the mall, and they started telling people. Those reactions planted a little seed of doubt in the couple’s minds as to whether or not eloping was the right thing to do. After telling her best friend and seeing a mixture of happy and sad in her reaction, Erin and Devlin realized how important it was to have all their family and friends celebrate with them. They didn’t decide until the last minute possible whether they were going to go through with the wedding—but when they came across the perfect engagement ring at a store in Vegas, everything felt right. When they showed the engagement ring to family when they returned, without a matching wedding band, everyone was excited and relieved. And so, the planning for a wedding to take place two and a half years later began.
The Wedding
Drawn towards modern design and technology while sharing a love for classic architecture, Erin and Devlin knew they needed to have a mix of old and new in their wedding style. After selecting the Hotel Arts as their reception space, they found inspiration in the natural, modern elements the venue shows off. Selecting a peacock-inspired colour palette that prominently featured teal, brown, navy blue, and gold allowed some fun and whimsy to be introduced into their big day. With the help of The Wedding Planner, Inc, the wedding was perfectly designed and coordinated. The ceremony took place in an intimate photography studio, incorporating many personal touches. With a small wedding party consisting of just a best man, maid of honour, and bridesmaid, the couple was happy to share their day with the friends that have known them the longest.
The Wedding Planner, Inc. designed a fabulous reception, using copper pintuck linens, teal table runners, and green napkins to tie into the peacock feather colour scheme. Plus, peacock feathers were added throughout the room, resting at each place setting, added into Erin’s bouquet, and even used as the design for a custom gobo on the dance floor. The finishing touches were candelabras placed on each table, an iced martini bar, a four tiered cake decorated with damask-patterned fondant that matched the linens on the head table, and an elaborate candy buffet, complete with custom labels and glassine bags. The couple served food based on their culinary love, choosing appetizers that represented international flavours they had fallen in love with while traveling abroad, and made sure to serve classic Alberta beef tenderloin as a main course. Plans for a dance-filled reception were made to honour Erin’s Pakistani heritage. When they started their planning, the couple knew that her family really wanted to celebrate and all they could hope for was to uphold the family tradition of a memorable wedding—and although they froze up during their first dance and forgot everything they learned in their dance lessons, the party went on!
The Fashion
After she fell in love with a budget-busting dress and making the tough choice not to spend the money on it, Erin kept looking and looking. She lucked out when she found this sample dress from Pronovias at Mina’s Bridal and loved it. The sweetheart neckline gown featured lace appliqués on the bust and hem, and was perfect for her trash-the-dress session with f8 Photography in the hotel pool to morning after the wedding. She added bright blue heels, a birdcage veil, and a colourful bouquet with a small silver picture frame attached, holding a photo of her father who passed away a few years ago.
http://weddingsinalberta.com/realweddings.php?articleId=689&image=14
Financial Planning Leads to Marital Bliss
Monday, May 9th, 2011 | media | No Comments
Money is at the root of most breakups
By Shaun Polczer, Calgary Herald May 8, 2011
The Wedding of the Century has come and gone, the cake has been cut and Will and Kate are man and wife.
It was an awesome spectacle of pomp and pageantry that took precision planning and the logistical skills of a tactician to pull off, in full view of the entire world.
But once the honeyoon’s over, what’s next?
That’s were the fairy tale ends and reality sets in.
Experts say most people put more thought into planning for one big day than the rest of their lives, with disastrous results. According to Statistics Canada figures, the sad fact is that one in two marriages in Canada are destined to fail by the 30th year. More often than not, the root of marital discord can be boiled down to a single cause: money.
After the ponying up for the cost of the tux, gown and cake, many couples fail to think about the cost of mortgages, retirement savings and contingencies such as insurance to make sure ‘I Do’ doesn’t become ‘I Don’t’.
“In my opinion, I would like to see couples put more time into the marriage than the wedding,” says Lisa Hanslip, a Calgary-based wedding planner whose company, The Wedding Planner Inc., has been organizing nuptials for almost two decades.
Hanslip, who has organized weddings that cost as much as $500,000 or as little as $5,000, says you don’t always get what you pay for and that there is no correlation between the cost of the ceremony and the quality of everlasting bliss.
Hanslip says she can often tell beforehand which marriages are destined to fail based on the way couples approach small details such as floral arrangements, but more importantly, how they’re paid for. In that sense, the big day is the template for the marriage.
Jennifer French and her groom Colum Furey are a lot like other couples getting married these days. Both are in their mid-30s with professional jobs; she’s a human resources professional and he’s an engineer for a large oil company.
This weekend they tied the knot in front of 85 invited guests in an intimate ceremony that cost their parents almost $40,000.
Although they didn’t have to pay out of pocket, the future Mrs. Furey says both are keenly aware of keeping it in perspective. “It’s a down payment on a house,” she jokes. “Every time you take out the Visa you get that sense of panic, it creeps up on you.”
To get married in their church, both had to take wedding preparation classes that dealt with issues such as financial planning. They already own a home together and have retirement plans through their employers. They both like to spend money, but have taken steps to save as well.
Although they’re starting on solid ground, French agrees money is the big stressor in any relationship.
“It definitely breeds its own sense of pressure, it can tear people up,” she says.
Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Financial+planning+leads+marital+bliss/4746936/story.html#ixzz1Lth7hXJb
Get the Look: Purple Perfection
Monday, May 2nd, 2011 | media, testimonials, trends, weddings | No Comments
We’re excited to be featured again in the May issue of Weddings in Alberta:
This wedding is also featured on their site with 10 gorgeous images:
Inspired by the royal wedding buzz? Steal this fabulously regal look with help from The Wedding Planner!
For a bride who simply said, “I like purple,” The Wedding Planner put together this stunning reception style. Choosing to use the whole spectrum of the royal hue, shades ranging from pale lilac to deep aubergine create a stunning look with a lot of depth. To start, the tent was draped and chandeliers were hung from the ceiling. The feminine look was anchored with touches of black to add masculinity and modernity: a wide black runner was laid down the centre of each table, chiavari chairs were tied with a black sash, and all the printed goods involved black papers. Three shades of purple table linens were alternated throughout the room, and varying arrangements of purple, blue, and pink flowers were placed on each table. Each vase was wrapped in a different shade of purple ribbon, and alternated between square and round shapes to add texture to the space.
The final details? 12,000 purple and lavender rose petals created a luscious ceremony aisle, half-pomanders in vibrant purple shades were strung from the sides of the ceremony chairs, glamorous candelabras were centered on the head table, and customized M&Ms were gifted to the guests (purple, of course!).
http://weddingsinalberta.com/articles.php?articleId=609&image=11
where they take the cake (pt 2)
Monday, April 18th, 2011 | media, trends | No Comments
The two women met in 2005 while studying at Le Cordon Bleu Ottawa Culinary Arts School. Pellegrino founded Cake Opera Co. soon after. “All my instructors said, ‘You should be making showpieces in Vegas,’” she says. The timing dovetailed with a growing cultural fixation on cake, evident in the emergence of the golden age of cake TV – a spawn of shows including Ace of Cakes, Wedding Cake Wars, Cake Boss, and Ultimate Cake Off. In 2009, Pellegrino asked Smith, then head pastry chef at Toronto’s Truffles restaurant, for help on a Food Network cake challenge. Within months, they were in a partnership. Grace Ormonde, editor-in-chief of the US magazine Wedding Style, was an early supporter. “I had worked with the best and thought I’d seen everything,” she says. “And here come these two women who blew me away.” Their cakes taste as delicious as they look, she notes: “That’s not always the case.”
Their custom design work, which begins at $300 and rises to $6,000, tends to focus on weddings, which isn’t surprising. Once cakes only had to be pretty, says Ormonde: “Now everyone wants their wedding to be unique. They want sculpture.”
When consulting with brides, Pellegrino asks for visuals – the dress, flowers, a brooch – then brings her imagination to bear. An opulent three-tiered, chocolate, 24K-gold and burgundy cake created for a Venetian-themed wedding last year took its cue from the invitation. “I was drawn to the envelope’s lining; it had a beautiful pattern,” she says. For the top, she created a sugar replica of the masks worn by the bride and groom.
They’ve made black and purple cakes, but Pellegrino says she loves all-white cakes, with a twist: “I like to recall that traditional wedding feeling and then there will be something on it like, ‘Whoa, where did that come from?’” Given the work required, their cakes can exist as a metaphor for the marriage to come: under the showy surface, there’s a carefully constructed infrastructure necessary to keep it all aloft. A black-and-white pirate-themed cake took 150 hours to build, says Pellegrino: “It requires the mind of an engineer.”
Creating fantasy can be a slog. Fourteen-hour workdays are common; Pellegrino and Smith do all of their own deliveries. “Street-car tracks are the bane of our existence,” says Smith, the driver. “She’s crapping her pants,” says Pellegrino, the navigator. They’re more laid-back about marketing. “We’ve taken a very non-aggressive approach,” says Smith. “The work speaks for itself.”
“Alexandria is brilliant,” says Catherine Lash, creative director of Toronto’s The Wedding Co., a wedding show producer. “You will not see anything recognizable in her designs – it’s not Martha Stewart magazine. She’s going to the opera, she’s going to art galleries.” Researching Madden’s tattoos in the tabloids offered rare lowbrow trolling, Pellegrino says: “I got to read all of these wonderful, smutty magazines.” Her favourite period is 17th century northern European still life “vanitas” paintings, whose shadowy compositions warn the viewer not to invest too much importance in mortal wealth and pleasures, a message that might be lost on people planning $100,000-plus weddings.
A playful irony percolates through Cake Opera Co.’s rococo-chic website and shop, one reminiscent of Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, the 2006 movie that reinforced the link between sumptuous pastel pastries and the woman who never actually said “Let them eat cake.” Gilt abounds. In the front window, a French guillotine slices through a retro wedding cake bleeding edible 24-karat gold. Inside the shop, antique glass cabinets are filled with macarons, meringues, marshmallows and cupcakes with names like “The Lady Pompadour” and “The Musetta.” Pellegrino laughs at the mention of Coppola’s movie. “Never seen it,” she jokes. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” That movie fuelled the macaron trend – and resultant backlash – “a tragic story,” says Pellegrino. “It’s such a beautiful confection,” Smith explains. “But now wedding planners are saying, ‘We’re so over that.’ It’s a slap in the face.” “They’ve been around hundreds of years,” says Pellegrino. “Cupcakes have been around 50 years. So throw them to the curb!”
Cake Opera’s theatrical flair attracted Beverly Hills wedding planner Mindy Weiss, who organized Richie’s nuptials. She’d heard of them via Ormonde. Their website blew her away, she says. “I would stare at it in awe.” When Weiss learned Richie wanted a Versailles theme, she contacted them with only two weeks’ notice. “Before I knew it I received an email with the most fabulous drawing of the cake,” says Weiss. “I did not change a thing. And I always change something!” The finished cake was “amazing,” she says. “It was an art piece that the guests would walk up to and stare at.”
Gushy coverage of the wedding in People and Hello! resulted in a flurry of requests to ship, which they won’t do. “Most people can’t afford to fly us in,” says Smith.
Weiss, who plans events for people who can afford it, says she can’t wait to work with them again: “They’re perfection.” Predictably, there’s talk of a TV show. “We’re open to it,” says Smith. They’d be naturals – photogenic, funny, and smart enough to know that if Marie Antoinette were alive today, her apocryphal command would be “Let them watch cake.” ANNE KINGSTON
We’re definitely not in the same camp with the wedding planners that are over macarons…we’re a huge fan of the scrumptious French confectionary: they are delicious, come in a gorgeous array of colours, and are gluten free…what more can you ask for?!? Throw the cupcakes to the curb?…why not!
Re-reading this article makes me want to watch Marie Antoinette again…which will inevitably send to the patisserie for a wee box of macarons…YUM!
where they take the cake (pt 1)
Friday, April 15th, 2011 | media, trends | No Comments
We have long been fans of the amazing design esthetic of the Cake Opera Co. so we were thrilled to see them featured in Maclean’s Magazine.
Nicole Richie could have hired anyone to make her wedding cake. She chose Toronto’s Cake Opera Co.
LAST DECEMBER, business partners Alexandra Pellegrino and Jessica Smith flew from Toronto to Los Angeles with carry-on that was as fragile as it was weird: a sugar-modeling-paste sculpture depicting Nicole Richie, the daughter of singer Lionel, and her musician husband-to-be Joel Madden, as Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI-before the royals’ decadent reign came to its bloody, tumultuous end. Richie was decked out in a white wig, black mask and ruffly gown and splayed on a chaise longue; behind her, Madden, in a white wig and mask, presented his bride with arms out-stretched; through his jacket, the rocker’s famously inked arms could be seen, each tattoo replicated precisely.
The painstakingly detailed tableau could be seen as a biting social commentary on over-the-top celebrity culture, but wasn’t: it was the topper of the extravagant cake served at Richie’s and Madden’s Dec. 11 “Versailles”-themed nuptials.
Smith and Pellegrino, the pastry chef and designer, respectively, at Toronto’s Cake Opera Co., had transported surreal confectionary before. In February 2010, US Customs officials were bemused by a suitcase filled with sugar roses for a cake they’d be making for a Tim Burton-meets-Alice-in Wonderland-themed sweet 16 in Scottsdale, Ariz.
That party they were invited to. The closest they got to the high-security celebration at Lionel Richie’s Beverly Hills estate was the back entrance, where they delivered their five-tiered cake edged in edible 24-karat gold, created at a West Hollywood bakery taken over for the occasion.
The commission was a high point in their two-year collaboration, says the 29-year-old Pellegrino, who attended the Ontario College of Art and Design before turning to making ephemeral art with fondant and cake flour. “We still don’t believe it. It’s like, ‘We were at Lionel Richie’s house! With something that came out of this kitchen.’” It was all really hush-hush, says Smith, 28, who studied culinary arts at Toronto’s George Brown College and has worked at London’s Michelin-starred Yauatcha. “We weren’t even allowed to take pictures of our work.”
Sitting in their uptown Toronto shop in chef jackets and over-the-knee boots, Pellegrino and Smith present as confident patisserie swashbucklers. Samples of their couture cakes line one wall - one looks like blue Wedgwood china; on another, a glittery black lobster adorns an ivory tower festooned with black roses, oysters and pearls; their “ode to Canadiana” features deer and painted “birch bark” on pale green fondant. Inspiration ranges from Christian Lacroix’s 2008 collection to ‘60s chinoiserie wallpaper, which resulted in a cake painted with sumi-e style brushwork and topped with a Japanese crane. Clearly, Richie, a Tinseltown style-setter, played it conservatively.
to be continued…
wonderful wedding song
Thursday, January 27th, 2011 | media, trends | No Comments
Joshua Radin was on Ellen today singing the song (”Today”) that he sang at her wedding.
I had never heard the entire song before…just beautiful…and what a truly perfect wedding song.
“Today”
Shoelaces untied
You can dry your eye
Perfect shadows lie behind us
And this is the day I make you mine
The way your hair lies
Sometimes unrecognized
All the way from Nice today, on a train
Nothing to say but there’s still time
You are the one I’ve been waiting for today
And here comes the sun
its been baiting more today
Lately I’ve lost my tongue
Today you found my song
Unknown our love, has grown
And I thank god you came along
You are the one one I’ve been waiting for today
And here comes the sun
it’s been baiting more today
You looked right through me, there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
today…today
You are the one I’ve been waiting for today
And here comes the sun
its been baiting more today
etiquette, shmetiquette!
Monday, January 24th, 2011 | Q&A, etiquette, media | No Comments
As you all know I’m a stickler for etiquette…we love to do things “properly” - but we’re never about doing things just for the sake of doing them. Just because the last 10 weddings you attended did something doesn’t mean you have to…in fact, that sounds like a fabulous reason NOT to do it…and it certainly doesn’t mean it was correct from an etiquette stand point.
Originally published in “Ask the Expert” | Weddings in Alberta | January, 2011.
Q: We recently went to register for our wedding and the store clerk offered us registry enclosure cards to include in our invitations. Is this acceptable?
A: No, no, a thousand times, no! It may seem helpful, but it is never acceptable to enclose a registry notice or gift wish list with your invitation. Never. Ever.
One of the major etiquette questions is the method of informing your guests about your registries. Stores perpetuate this etiquette no-no by offering you these invitation enclosures, which can be offensive to guests. Your gift registry can be one of the most fun aspects of planning your wedding (”Here, honey, just point this gun at things and voila, they’re on our wish list!”), but it can also prove to be an etiquette minefield.
You may prefer to receive money, which is traditional in many cultures, or contributions to your honeymoon fund, but you cannot tell your guests what to give you. It is just not polite to request gifts of any kind. Giving a wedding gift is the socially acceptable thing to do—but no one is really obligated to buy you a gift. Informing your guests what kind of gift you would like at the same time you are inviting them to your wedding is like telling them the gift is more important than their attendance.
The way to let people know where you’re registered is via word of mouth. Make sure your bridal party and family know where you are registered or if you have a preference for a more non-traditional gift. Then you have to wait until someone asks where you are registered, and just cross your fingers! It is also acceptable to put registry information on your wedding website if you plan to have one during your engagement.
Q: We were a bit unsure what to choose when we made our gift registry. Help!
A: Today’s engaged couples often have established households of their own, so a registry is an excellent way for your guests to know what you actually need (Oh look! Another toaster! Everyone needs four toasters, don’t they?). Make sure you think carefully about what you actually need and make a wish list that is agreeable to both you and your partner. Your guests have different budgets, so register for items in a variety of price ranges. You cannot expect all of your guests to spring for that $400 food processor, or that they will be happy buying you one teaspoon because at $100 a piece because it is the only thing on your registry they can afford. A thoughtful gift registry gives everyone the opportunity to buy you something you will love.
These days, it is also perfectly acceptable to register for nontraditional items such as hardware, sporting goods, charitable donations, or, yes, even the honeymoon. Keep in mind, though, that although lifestyle gifts are appropriate, some people are going to prefer giving you something tangible.
Q: I’m having trouble choosing a dress for my 10 bridesmaids. I want them all in the same dress but how do I choose one that will look good on all of them? Do I have to pay for all of them? Should they match my wedding gown?
A: Just like most things in life, one size usually doesn’t fit all—and one dress won’t suit all, unless your bridesmaids have similar body types. When it comes to your attendants’ attire, uniformity is nice, it’s expected, but it’s absolutely not necessary. In fact, mixing up the styles a bit is practically the norm these days. At the very least, it is nice to set your maid of honour apart by choosing a different dress in the same colour or the same dress in a different colour.
Choosing a bridesmaid dress shouldn’t be looked at as an opportunity for retribution for that frilly sea-foam green number taunting you from the back of your closet. Be nice. These are your friends. Most women are initially thrilled when asked to be a bridesmaid, but if they’ve ever been a bridesmaid before, inside their head they’re groaning, ‘What is she going to make me wear?’ Consider choosing a colour and/or style grouping from one designer and letting your bridesmaids choose which one they feel best suits them. That way, as it will be the same fabric and the same general style, they will look similar, but your best friend won’t be hiding in the corner all evening for fear of falling out of the strapless dress you’ve chosen for her.
The bridesmaid dress should match the formality of your dress—so don’t put them in a sundress if you’re wearing a formal gown with a train—but it is no longer necessary to have your attendants’ dresses emulate your gown. Bridesmaids’ dresses not only used to match the wedding gown, but were identical to it, as the original purpose for a bridesmaid was to confuse the evil spirits. These days, they’re there for moral support and to look pretty walking down the aisle.
It is expected that the bridesmaids will cover the cost of their own attire; however, some brides opt to pay, depending on the cost of the dress they’ve chosen or the financial circumstances of their friends. So, unless you are planning to foot the bill yourself, be kind with both style and price. And, by the way, feel free just to have three or four bridesmaids, not ten—you don’t need all of your guests standing at the front with you!
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