{ That’s Why God Invented Babysitters! }

Friday, September 28th, 2012 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, OCTOBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

Q. My husband and I just got married and we had a really lovely wedding, except there’s one thing that is really bugging me. We had both decided not to have any children at our wedding, both because of the type of wedding we wanted and because we had such a small wedding, our guest list was very limited. Friends of my husband asked him about our opinion of kids at the wedding and he told them that a good gift to us would be a baby sitter as we were not having any kids at either the ceremony or reception. The first thing I saw, and heard, as I entered the church to walk down the aisle was this couple with their children, including their newborn. Am I off base or was this totally out of line?

A. I have three words for you: tacky, tacky, and tacky! Not only were his friends rude and inconsiderate, but they can’t even claim ignorance as you had a specific conversation about your decision to have a child-free wedding.

Regardless whether you are having a small or large wedding it is completely appropriate to choose not to have children at your wedding celebration. The day should reflect you as a couple, and if there are no children you are close to, or if you wish to have a “grown-up” event, there is absolutely no reason you should feel obligated to include any children on your invite list.

The best way to handle this is to be consistent: if you don’t want lots of children, don’t invite any – however, it is also ok to only invite children over a certain age. Some couples want only certain kids, for example their nieces and nephews, but no others. This choice isn’t particularly appropriate etiquette, so you need to be prepared for a little backlash.

To all prospective wedding guests out there – it has been said before, but apparently it bears repeating: IF YOUR NAME IS NOT ON THE INVITATION – YOU ARE NOT INVITED!! This includes your children, the guy you started dating last Tuesday and that unexpected house guest you need to keep entertained.

You are completely correct to be ticked off at your husband’s friends – they were totally out-of-line. As to how you should handle it now – well, that’s entirely up to you – but you should probably set a couple extra places at the table the next time you invite them over for dinner, just in case…

P.S. If it is too problematic to “not” invite the children – consider setting up a kid’s room – hire a team of babysitters and stock it full of kid-friendly fun – they’ll be nearby so their parents can check on them – you’ll get the child-free wedding you desire and you don’t have to have that sometimes uncomfortable conversation with your guests.

Tags: adult reception, calgary herald, calgary weddings, etiquette, Lisa Hanslip

{ eeek…bridezilla!! }

Friday, September 21st, 2012 | media, Q&A, testimonials | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, JUNE 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
image credit: Alex Eben Meyer (http://www.eben.com)

Q. My best friend is getting married in a few months and I am so happy for her, but in the six months since she got engaged she’s changed into a totally different person. She never wants to discuss anything but the wedding and she’s obsessing about every single detail. Since I announced I’m pregnant she no longer wants me to be her bridesmaid because I won’t look good in the wedding photos. She’s gone completely crazy, is there anything I can do to snap her out of it?

A. Alas, I fear Bridezilla has reared her ugly head:

bridezilla (brId-ZILL-uh) n. A bride-to-be who, while planning her wedding, becomes exceptionally selfish, greedy, and obnoxious.

Bridezillas are a new breed of brides who abuse the idea that weddings are their day to get exactly what they want. They terrorize their bridal party and family members, make greedy demands and break all rules of etiquette. Their sole desire is to be the single most important person on the planet from the time of engagement right up until the last dance at their wedding.

Here are some tell-tale signs that someone you love might be turning into a Bridezilla:

-The bride is incapable of discussing any subject other than her wedding.

-The bride barely eats so she can fit into her dress and then complains that she’s hungry all the time.

-The bride obsessively watches what her bridal party is eating and gasps every time anyone reaches for a cookie.

-The mother-of-the-bride and the maid-of-honour are beginning to feel like medieval footservants.

-The bride chooses couture bridesmaid dresses, even though most of her friends are on a budget. She does not, however, offer to pay.

-When the bride is discussing all the details of her wedding (which she does to every person who crosses her path) you can’t help but picture more “Bride of Frankenstein” than “Princess Bride.”

-The bride is thrilled when her groom is sent away on business (“Finally, he’ll stop interfering in all of my plans…”).

Your friend may have been the sweetest girl you knew before she got engaged, but once a bride falls to the dark side, there’s very little you can do but grin and breathe deeply (slipping the bride a valium couldn’t hurt either). So, take a deep breath and count the days until your friend returns to her normal self. In the meantime…be afraid, be very afraid.

Tags: bridezilla, calgary herald, calgary weddings, Lisa Hanslip, wedding etiquette, wedding planning

{ it’s all a matter of perspective }

Friday, September 14th, 2012 | etiquette, media, Q&A, Uncategorized | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, JANUARY 2006, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…” { The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way. }

Q. My fiancé and I are planning to get married in about eight months, but we haven’t made many plans yet because we can’t seem to agree on what the wedding should look like. As this is the second marriage for both of us I would like a small intimate event. My fiancé on the other hand comes from a very large family and is expecting a large celebration. Do you have any suggestions how we can plan a wedding that will make everyone happy?

A. A wedding is not just a celebration of the union of two people, but more often than not, it is the joining of two families – which brings with it a veritable treasure trove of opposing traditions and expectations. If the meeting of the in-laws doesn’t tragically mirror a scene from Meet the Fockers consider yourself lucky.

A good compromise in many situations is to split the difference – but I don’t think a medium-sized ceremony and reception will satisfy either side – you’ll still feel like the event was much bigger than you were hoping for (“There were 150 people at my wedding, it was a total zoo!”) – and your fiancé’s family will inevitably deem the moderate guest list too small (“How can we possibly have a proper wedding celebration with only 150 people?!?”).

You might consider having a small intimate ceremony with just your immediate family and closest friends followed by a large celebration later in the day. This way you’ll have the memory of a ceremony that reflected your sensibilities while your fiancé and his family can relish tales of the big bash.

Another option is to have the large wedding your fiancé’s family is hoping for, followed by a small gathering. Try a morning ceremony followed by a raucous afternoon reception – then in the evening you can sit down to an intimate dinner for just immediate family.

Whatever you decide to do – make sure it is a solution that doesn’t leave either of you disgruntled. Focus on what you two need from your day, even if that means ignoring your families. It doesn’t bode well if one of you spends your wedding night on the sofa (because that only leads to a honeymoon spent on the marriage counselor’s couch – and that’s no good for anybody).

Tags: calgary herald, Lisa Hanslip, second marriage, the wedding planner inc, wedding etiquette, wedding guest list, wedding planning calgary

{ murphy’s law vs. bride }

Friday, September 7th, 2012 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

Q. My sister got married last weekend and it seemed like every possible thing that could go wrong, did. The make-up artist showed up really late, the beautiful vintage car she had booked broke down, the Videographer missed the entire processional and shot the whole thing focused on the back of their heads, the hotel misplaced their engraved cake knife, and the bridesmaids’ dresses didn’t arrive until 2 days after the wedding. I’m getting married in the spring and although I wasn’t worried about anything, I’m now terrified about all the things that can go wrong. Is there any way to make sure these things don’t happen at my wedding?

A. Yikes! Your sister is apparently the Murphy’s Law poster-child. It’s difficult to plan a wedding without something going awry along the way (and thankfully equally hard to plan a wedding with everything going wrong). A lot of the mishaps at your sister’s wedding could not have been prevented – but planning for acceptable alternatives can help.

Most contracts are written to protect the vendor not the client, so keep that in mind when you’re reading them over. There is almost always a clause pertaining to the “what ifs…” – think about what contingency would make you happy – and don’t be shy to at least suggest it to them. For example, if the car you booked breaks down or is otherwise unavailable – ask to have it written into your contract that the driver will come fetch you in an ancient Egyptian litter (a la Cleopatra) rather than merely substituting a car of equal value. It is highly unlikely they will actually agree to this, mind you, but the mere thought of it may give your sister some satisfaction.

Before booking any vendor, ask about their background, and don’t choose simply based on price. Discuss potential problems with them at the time – it is a lot less stressful to think about these things prior to your wedding.

To help deal with any hiccups on your big day, have a list of all the vendors involved and contact numbers. Another great way to help alleviate stress: Have an emergency kit so you can tackle any last minute problems like a torn dress (which you caught on the door as you were running in because your limo broke down), too few boutonnieres (because the florist didn’t think you were actually serious about there being 12 groomsmen), a missing ring (because the jeweller didn’t quite finish and you don’t want to have to borrow your cousin’s skull ring), or bad breath (because corn nuts are your favorite comfort food – and it seemed like a good idea this morning ).

So…read over your contracts….then pucker up and enjoy that first kiss (breath mint anyone?)!

Tags: calgary herald, calgary wedding planner, Lisa Hanslip, the wedding planner inc, wedding disasters, wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette expert