the best man said WHAT???

Monday, March 9th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, APRIL 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.

Q: I’m starting to get a bit nervous about the toasts. We were at a wedding last weekend and the best man was a bit drunk. Not only did he talk too long, but he spent most of the time discussing the groom’s ex-girlfriends. Is there any way to avoid this at our wedding?

A: Absolutely. Feel free to give your family and bridal party some guidelines. Those that plan to give toasts should prepare in advance (written out completely or at least in the form of notes). You don’t want the most memorable thing at your wedding to be how long your uncle droned on about what a talented two-year-old you were, or that the best man rambled endlessly about the groom’s high school high jinks.

There are a few etiquette points to be aware of:

• If seated, stand when offering a toast.
• Keep it simple, and keep it personal.
• To “finish” a toast, raise your glass and say the couple’s names (“To Sally & Ben”), then take a sip. Everyone else will follow your lead.
• When you are the one being toasted, stay seated, and don’t raise your glass.

It is absolutely appropriate to begin by saying you are honoured to share the wedding day with the couple. A good starting point is talking casually about your relationship with the couple and relating one or two quick anecdotes. A nice way to close is by pointing out what’s special about their relationship and why you think they’re perfect for each other.

Dwelling on potentially touchy subjects, like a difference in religion or race, or an unhappy ex-spouse is decidedly NOT appropriate. Don’t apologize for being a bad speaker, or announce you don’t really want to speak. And most definitely don’t talk too much about the bride or groom’s past conquests or be cryptic by telling stories that only the bride & groom will understand (common fodder for the “tipsy toast”).

The most important thing to remember for anyone giving a toast at a wedding is that brevity is the soul of wit. Even if you have a story to tell, don’t use the long version – a wedding toast should never be more than 3-5 minutes long. Very often the errant toast is a result of too many nerves and too little preparation (that sixth glass of champagne probably won’t help either!). So with some helpful hints – and a big deep breath – your fiancé’s best man can deliver a memorable and meaningful toast – and you can relax and enjoy it….Cheers!

Tags: best man toast, calgary herald, Lisa Hanslip, wedding etiquette, weddings

Receiving line…yay or nay?

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, APRIL 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.

Q: We’ve been told we need to have a receiving line at our wedding – but we don’t really know when it is supposed to be or even who exactly is supposed to be included – do we really need to have one?

A: Traditionally, it is considered proper etiquette to have a receiving line at any wedding with more than 50 guests. The purpose of the receiving line is to give the hosts and the happy couple an opportunity to personally greet each guest.

The receiving line usually starts with the parents of the bride, followed by the groom, the bride, the parents of the groom, and sometimes the maid of honour. The groomsmen do not participate in the receiving line nor do the bridesmaids (hmmm…eight attendants and 250 wedding guests…we might get to sit down for dinner sometime before their first anniversary).

Today, it is perfectly acceptable not to have a receiving line. If you’re planning to invite enough people to fill all four halls of the Round-Up Centre – it is probably best to skip it. But, if you’ve invited less than 200 people, it can certainly be manageable – and useful: If even your best party-mingling efforts don’t allow you to visit with each guest during the reception – you can relax knowing you spoke with everyone during the receiving line.

The receiving line can be held at the church as people exit or at the reception as people enter. It can be a great way to usher people out of the ceremony or into the reception – but allow enough time so you’re not impinging on your time for wedding photos or the start of dinner. The receiving line can be rather a lengthy process – so count on at least half an hour to greet all of your guests – closer to an hour if you have lots of chatty relatives to contend with.

Just remember – whether or not you have a receiving line – the important thing is that you greet each and every guest and thank them personally for sharing in your big day. If you decide to go for it – make sure your comfy shoes and bottle of Purell are at the ready – and you’ll be all set.

Lisa Hanslip is a Calgary wedding planner (www. askaweddingplanner.com). Her advice appears regularly on the Love Stories pages.

Tags: calgary herald, calgary weddings, receiving line, wedding, wedding etiquette

Man of Honour?!?

Monday, February 16th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, trends, weddings | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, MARCH 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.

Q: I’m having a very hard time choosing a maid of honour. I have a few girlfriends that I’m fairly close to, but my very best friend is a guy. We’ve known each other since junior high – and he’s seen me through everything. Would it be weird to choose him instead of a maid of honour? Should he just dress like the groomsmen? Will I give my grandmother a heart attack?

A: Unconventional, yes! Unexpected, you bet! Acceptable, absolutely!

You want your honour attendant – whether it is a maid of honour, matron of honour or man of honour – to be the person to whom you feel closest. You should choose your best friend, the person you want standing beside you on your big day – not the friend that would look best in the bridesmaid dress.

If you choose a man to be your honour attendant – you may opt to eliminate some of the “typical” duties like hosting your bridal shower, or helping you get into your wedding gown. But the most important part of the job description is being supportive and serving as the legal witness to your marriage.

Choosing your attendants can often be a difficult process – for the bride and the groom. There may be family politics involved. Or, like some, you may have served as a bridesmaid for a dozen of your friends and family members and feel obligated to ask them to stand up for you in return. Well…don’t.

This is your day – and although it is impossible to accommodate everyone’s wishes – you can’t make your choices based on not wanting to offend someone. You can’t make everyone happy – nor can you make everyone your bridesmaid – so just choose those you are currently closest to. You can always assign tasks – like doing a reading or taking care of the guest book – to those you want to feel special and included in your wedding but aren’t in the bridal party.

When you decide on the attire for your attendants, he can wear a suit or tuxedo and coordinate his tie to the other bridesmaids. This scenario also holds true for the groom. It is also perfectly acceptable to have a woman be the best “man.” A best “woman” looks great in a black strapless gown to coordinate with the other groomsmen.

So, feel free to choose your best guy friend or brother to stand up for you at your wedding. Just keep your “man of honour” away from the lavender chiffon and size 11 purple pumps – and your grandmother’s heart should be just fine!

Tags: calgary herald, Lisa Hanslip, male bridesmaid, weddings calgary

Bridesmaids Dresses….what ever will they wear?

Friday, February 6th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, MARCH 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.

Q: I’m having trouble choosing a dress for my 10 bridesmaids. I want them all in the same dress but how do I choose one that will look good on all of them? Do I have to pay for all of them? Do they need to match my wedding gown?

A: Just like most things in life – one size usually doesn’t fit all – and one dress won’t suit all unless your bridesmaids have similar body types. When it comes to your attendants’ attire – uniformity is nice, it’s expected, but absolutely not necessary. In fact, mixing up the styles a bit is practically the norm these days. At the very least, it is nice to set your maid of honour apart by choosing a different dress in the same colour or the same dress in a different colour.

Choosing a bridesmaid dress shouldn’t be looked at as an opportunity for retribution for that frilly sea-foam green number taunting you from the back of your closet. Be nice. These are your friends. Most women are  initially thrilled when asked to be a bridesmaid, but if they’ve ever been a bridesmaid before, inside their head they’re groaning (What is she going to make me wear?). Consider choosing a colour and style grouping from one designer and letting your bridesmaids choose which one they feel best suits them. That way, as it will be the same fabric and the same general style, they will look matching , but your best friend won’t be hiding in the corner all evening for fear of falling out of the strapless dress you’ve chosen for her.

The bridesmaid dress should match the formality of your dress – so don’t put them in a sundress if you’re wearing a formal gown with a train – but it is no longer necessary to have your attendant’s dresses emulate your gown. Bridesmaid’s dresses not only used to match the wedding gown – but were identical. The original purpose for a bridesmaid was to confuse the evil spirits. These days, they’re there for moral support and to look pretty walking down the aisle.

Tags: bridesmaids dresses, Lisa Hanslip, wedding Calgary, wedding etiquette

The etiquette of gift registries

Friday, January 30th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, FEBRUARY 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”

Q: We recently went to register for our wedding and the store clerk offered us registry enclosure cards to include in our invitations. Is this acceptable? We were also a bit unsure what to register for. Help!

 A: No, no, a thousand times, no! It may seem helpful, but it is never acceptable to enclose a registry notice or gift wish list with your invitation. Never. Ever.

 One of the major etiquette dangers is the method of informing your guests

 about your registries. The stores themselves help perpetuate this

 etiquette no-no by offering you the offensive invitation enclosures.

 Your gift registry can be one of the most fun aspects of planning your

 wedding (“Here, honey, just point this gun at things and voila, they’re on

 our wish list!”) but it can also prove to be an etiquette minefield.

 The first major issue is the registry itself. Today’s engaged couples

 often have established households of their own, so a registry is an

 excellent way for your guests to know what you actually need (Oh look!

 Another toaster! Everyone needs four toasters, don’t they?). Make sure you

 think carefully about what you actually need and make a wish list that is

 agreeable to both you and your partner.

 Your guests have different budgets, so register for items in a variety of

 price ranges. You cannot expect all of your guests to spring for that $400

 food processor, or that they will be happy buying you one teaspoon because

 at $100 a piece it is the only thing on your registry they can afford. A

 thoughtful gift registry gives everyone the opportunity to buy you

 something you will love.

 These days, it is also perfectly acceptable to register for nontraditional

 items such as hardware, sporting goods, charitable donations, or, yes,

 even the honeymoon. Keep in mind, though, that although lifestyle gifts

 are appropriate, some people are going to prefer giving you something

 tangible.

 You may prefer to receive money, which is traditional in many cultures, or

 contributions to your honeymoon fund, but you cannot tell your guests what

 to give you. It is just not polite to request gifts of ANY kind. Giving a

 wedding gift is the socially acceptable thing to do – but no one is really

 obligated to buy you a gift. Informing your guests what kind of gift you

 would like at the same time you are inviting them to your wedding is like

 telling them the gift is more important than their attendance.

 The way to let people know where you’re registered is via word of mouth.

 Make sure your bridal party and family know where you are registered or if

 you have a preference for a more non-traditional gift. Then you have to

 wait until someone asks where you are registered, and just cross your

 fingers!

Tags: calgary herald, etiquette, gift registry, Lisa Hanslip, wedding planner