Who’s Paying For All This Exactly??
Saturday, February 27th, 2010 | etiquette, trends | No Comments
One of our new clients mentioned that they were really stressed about figuring out who is supposed to pay for what at the wedding. This is a question that clients used to ask me ALL the time – but in the last 5 or 6 years it actually hasn’t come up very often, or only in regards to the rehearsal dinner or one small detail.
A good portion of our clients are paying for the wedding themselves so if their parents contribute any money it’s just a nice bonus, but when an engaged couple is counting on their families to pay for most or all of the wedding it can be a sticky topic for a number of reasons.
It’s rarely the case that both families have similar financial circumstances, and some families wish to stick to a very traditional division of costs where other families don’t have the slightest idea who is supposed to pay for what. All of these elements can conspire to cause the couple a lot of stress – even just bringing up the subject of the financial obligations can cause even the calmest couple some sleepless nights.
Traditionally, of course, the bride’s family assumed the burden of most wedding costs – probably a vestige of the practice of providing a large dowry to attract a good husband (!!). However, these days only about 25% of weddings are paid for solely by the bride’s parents.
Today, almost 70% of weddings are paid for either by the couple or by some combination of both sets of parents. It’s now VERY common for both families to share the costs equally, or for the bride and groom to pay for all of the expenses themselves.
If you do want financial help from your families to pay for the wedding, you must keep in mind you must be wiling to compromise on some of your wishes for your wedding. Although it can be a difficult subject to broach this subject with your parents – do your best to keep the conversation calm & dignified…it’s amazing how grievances that arise during the engagement can linger far past the actual wedding…whatever happens, whoever pays…just remember these people are going to be your family for the rest of your life so tread lightly!
If age-old tradition is ruling the financial structure of your wedding, here is the TRADITIONAL DIVISION OF COSTS from Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette:
The Bride & Her Family:
• services of a wedding consultant
• invitations, enclosures, announcements
• bride’s wedding gown & accessories
• floral decorations for ceremony & reception
• bridesmaids’ flowers
• bride’s bouquet
• formal wedding photos
• videographer
• music for church & reception
• transportation of bridal party to & from ceremony
• all reception expenses
• bride’s gifts to her attendants
• bride’s gift to groom
• groom’s wedding ring
• ceremony rentals
• cost of soloists
• transportation of bridal party to reception
• accommodations for bride’s attendants
• bridesmaids’ luncheon
The Groom & His Family:
• bride’s engagement ring
• bride’s wedding ring
• gifts for groom’s attendants
• ties for groom’s attendants if not part of rental package
• bride’s bouquet (in regions where this is the custom)
• bride’s going-away corsage
• boutonnieres for groom’s attendants
• corsages for immediate members of both families
• officiant’s fee or church donation
• transportation & lodging expenses for the officiant if required & invited to officiate by groom’s family
• marriage license
• transportation for groom and best man to ceremony
• honeymoon
• all costs of rehearsal dinner
• accommodations for groom’s attendants
• bachelor dinner (if groom wishes to have one)
• transportation and lodging for groom’s immediate family*
Bridesmaids/Honour Attendants:
• purchase of apparel and all accessories
• transportation to and from city where wedding takes place
• a contribution to a gift from bridesmaids to bride
• individual gift to couple (if being in the wedding is not the gift)
• shower/luncheon for bride
Ushers/Groomsmen/Best Man:
• rental/purchase of wedding attire
• transportation to and from city where wedding takes place
• a contribution to a gift from groomsmen to groom
• individual gift to couple (if being in the wedding is not the gift)
• bachelor party for groom
Out-of-town guests:
• transportation to & from wedding
• lodging expenses
• wedding gift
* just as a total aside – it always makes me crazy when I watch “Father of the Bride” and Diane Keaton tells Steve Martin they have to pay for all of the groom’s family to fly in from Denmark…NO!!! No you don’t!! Whether you’re following old traditions or new – or none for that matter – unless you happen to own an airlines…that would be just stupid…but artistic license I guess 
How Much is THAT Dress?? Will the Manolos Still Fit in My Budget?
Tuesday, February 16th, 2010 | trends | No Comments
I had SOOO much fun wedding gown shopping with one of my brides. We started the process late last year and she bought “the one” late last week. 
Her initial appointments produced 3 main contenders - one that fit the budget, one that kind of, sort of fit the budget, and one “I think my heart just stopped” definitely, not even a little bit fit the budget.
She was very torn and didn’t know what to do so I joined her to go back & try on her favorites.
Of the first two I knew that one definitely wasn’t right - but the other could potentially be right…so off we went to see the oh-so-beautiful, but oh-so-not in her budget dress.
When we walked in the store I audibly gasped…good grief Lisa…have some self-control. It’s been a long time since I saw a wedding dress that made me totally lose my composure…uh oh!
However I did know that - although I was with her 110% on the amazing, unique, killer dress…I also knew it wasn’t the right one for her…so I did a little peak around the store to see what was new & fabulous since I was last there…and BAD, BAD wedding planner grabbed one that made us both gasp. She even asked me to try it on so she could see it on someone else (but not just in the photo on the website) - I never really expected to have a wedding dress on again - and boy, it sure was fun! It made my day to spend a few minutes in an exquisite work of art made of sumptuous fabric…better than a quick trip to the spa…haha!
I had to admit to her that I was very torn - my wedding planner sensibilities were saying NO, NO, NO because it was way too much of her total budget - but I also knew how GORGEOUS she’d look in it and how much she wanted it…
My bride ruminated over the holidays and I sent her out for a whole new round of dresses last week…well she hadn’t even made it out of the change room when her maid of honour called me to COME IMMEDIATELY…”We think we’ve found the one!!”
Well I jumped in my car and sure enough it was, indeed, the one. This gorgeous European confection of silk and lace was nothing like the dress she thought she would want (which is so often the case with wedding gowns) but once she had it on - it absolutely ticked all the boxes…AND…as the sample fit and was in perfect shape…there’s no need to panic about those sassy, sexy, sparkly Louboutins breaking the budget…and after all…aren’t the shoes the only part of a bride’s wedding attire she’ll realistically ever wear again anyway?? 
The Good, The Bad & The Downright Scary…
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 | Q&A, etiquette | No Comments
One of our brides is currently having some bridesmaid “issues” so we thought this might be useful.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, MARCH 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.
Q: I’m having trouble choosing a dress for my 10 bridesmaids. I want them all in the same dress but how do I choose one that will look good on all of them? Do I have to pay for all of them? Do they need to match my wedding gown?
A: Just like most things in life - one size usually doesn’t fit all - and one dress won’t suit all unless your bridesmaids have similar body types. When it comes to your attendants’ attire - uniformity is nice, it’s expected, but absolutely not necessary. In fact, mixing up the styles a bit is practically the norm these days. At the very least, it is nice to set your maid of honour apart by choosing a different dress in the same colour or the same dress in a different colour.
Choosing a bridesmaid dress shouldn’t be looked at as an opportunity for retribution for that frilly sea-foam green number taunting you from the back of your closet. Be nice. These are your friends. Most women are initially thrilled when asked to be a bridesmaid, but if they’ve ever been a bridesmaid before, inside their head they’re groaning (What is she going to make me wear?). Consider choosing a colour and style grouping from one designer and letting your bridesmaids choose which one they feel best suits them. That way, as it will be the same fabric and the same general style, they will look matching , but your best friend won’t be hiding in the corner all evening for fear of falling out of the strapless dress you’ve chosen for her.
The bridesmaid dress should match the formality of your dress - so don’t put them in a sundress if you’re wearing a formal gown with a train - but it is no longer necessary to have your attendant’s dresses emulate your gown. Bridesmaid’s dresses not only used to match the wedding gown - but were identical. The original purpose for a bridesmaid was to confuse the evil spirits. These days, they’re there for moral support and to look pretty walking down the aisle.
It is expected that the bridesmaids will cover the cost of their own attire, however some brides opt to pay, depending on the cost of the dress they’ve chosen, or the financial circumstances of their friends. So, unless you are planning to foot the bill yourself - be kind with both style and price. And, by the way, feel free just to have three or four bridesmaids, not ten - you don’t need all of your guests standing at the front with you!
Happy Holidays from The Wedding Planner!!
Friday, December 18th, 2009 | Uncategorized | No Comments
We wish everyone a very happy holidays and all good things for 2010…here’s to lots of luscious weddings in the New Year. xoxo Lisa, Kim & Val
Say Cheese
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 | trends, weddings | No Comments
One of our brides emailed me yesterday to inquire about having a photobooth at her wedding…we LOVE photobooths…Your guests have a great time (especially after a few cocktails!) and both you & they get a wonderful momento that will be fun to have for years to come. They can be customized with your monogram, to match your colour palette and have your names & wedding date and any message you want for your guests…so fun…Say Cheeeeeese!
Sexy & Snowy Winter Wedding
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 | trends, weddings | No Comments
This was an intimate weekend-long wedding in the mountains. The very stylish couple wanted sleek and unique but still low key. Their paramount priority was making sure that all their guests felt comfortable and that they’d have a good opportunity to visit with everyone.
The ceremony was decked out in white flowers, white fabric and crystals with accents of black (including the fabulous wedding gown)…and a gorgeous view of the mountains.
Cocktails were in an intimate setting flooded with candlelight and all of their guests were greeted with a Mojito.
Great lighting created a cool ambience. The linens were simple black on black and each table had groupings of monochromatic red or white flowers…so pretty…and the food was superb!
Irish & Italian Intoxicating Fun!
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 | Uncategorized, trends, weddings | No Comments
To say working with Natalie & Joe was fun in an understatement! We had just under three months to plan a wedding that would reflect their enthusiasm and sunny personalities. We kept the decor simple for the ceremony as we wanted the reception to have more WOW!
And did it ever WOW! Classic chocolate brown was brought to a whole new level with punches of orange and tiffany blue. Everything about this wedding was big bold, and fun. From the 20 person head table, to the martini luge, to the candy buffet unlike any of us had ever seen before!
We kept the overall feeling classy by having simple and elegant centerpieces, monogram and cake design.
After the honeymoon Natalie & Joe stopped by to tell me what a wonderful time they had! I can honestly say that we had the best time too!
Black & White Damask accented with Deep Red & Hot Pink
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009 | trends, weddings | No Comments
This was a lovely intimate wedding - it was elegant & fashion forward - but still timeless. Sonya & Travis both have a passion for James Bond (note his VERY stylish, VERY 007, Armani tuxedo) 
and wanted touches of glamour, touches of fashion…but I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be design that would look totally dated 10 years from now.
Sonya REALLY wanted a croquembouche…it was ridiculously difficult to convince anyone to make one (who actually had the skill to make one). After many months of tenacious pestering I got a great bakery to create one for their wedding day. About half way through dinner it got bumped and a couple cream puffs came out at the bottom. Kim & I kept looking at it nervously…when I decided we should take the “croquembouche plucking”/cake cutting photos even though they were in the middle of their entrees…just as I leaned over to tell the bride we need to do a photo right away…you guessed it…it collapsed. It was promptly whisked into the kitchen and with many toothpicks, plastic containers and various other sundry it was repaired. The bride & groom decided it will be one of their favourite wedding anecdotes. 
Let them eat cream puffs!
I’m waiting…..!
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 | Uncategorized | No Comments
I’ve been anxiously awaiting Kim bringing her camera to the office so I can see & then post some pix of her last fabulous soiree…hurry up…we’re impatient
gondola, shmondola
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | testimonials, weddings | No Comments
We just received another lovely thank you note from a client that got married this summer. Their wedding almost got cancelled due to high winds threatening to halt gondola service upto the ceremony & reception site.
I worked with Frank & Melissa for about 18 months planning their wedding…such a fun couple. I’ve heard all sorts of things in wedding vows - but this was the first time a bride referred to making out during the theme song to “House”…so great…best wishes you guys!
blog
Categories
Archive
Search
