weddings
The Bride, formerly known as… To Change or Not To Change?
Thursday, May 21st, 2009 | etiquette, trends, weddings | No Comments
You’re getting married and there’s still that unanswered question; do I change my surname? Changing your name is a very personal decision, and should be considered by both you and your significant other.
Here are some pointers to help you in your decision if you are still unsure of what to do!
– tradition; if you have been following tradition from the beginning of the planning process, this would be the logical decision
– if you have an established career and everyone knows your maiden name, how hard would it be to let your colleagues and clients know that you have decided to change your name?
– there are some brides that use their maiden name professionally, and change their name personally
– if you and your spouse are planning on having children, it would be easier to have the same last name, especially in situations involving their school, travelling abroad, going to the doctor etc.
– if you’re worried about dropping your maiden name because you are the last in your family’s lineage with that name, consider passing it on to one of your children as a first or middle name
– how does your first name sound with his? Does it roll off the tongue, or does it rhyme, making it sound like a children’s book character?
– your maiden name has always been apart of you, but who’s to say that you have to drop it all together, more brides are opting to carry it over as a middle name
– some grooms are even taking their bride’s last name!
– you can always hyphenate your names
– if you are still unsure, a good old pros and cons list can help immensely
Quickie Anyone…??
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.
Q. My fiancée and I just got engaged about a week ago but we’d really like to get married this fall. Is there any way to plan a nice wedding for about 50 guests in less than two months?
A. Absolutely! Whether you have five weeks, six months or two years to plan your wedding it is possible to have a lovely memorable event. However, when you’re planning a wedding in a short time frame it is imperative that you be flexible (we’re talking major, look like a pretzel, contortionist flexible).
Regardless of how much time you have to plan your wedding, when you are inviting less than 75 guests your options are immensely greater than if you are having a fête for 300.
If you’re having a wedding in the spring or fall there’s a chance that traditional venues like hotels and community halls may have an opening. You might want to consider having your wedding on some day other than Saturday – which will give you more options, whatever your time frame.
Don’t overlook all the great restaurants that can accommodate 50 or 60 people and provide both great ambience and great service. Restaurants are often the most amenable to special requests for weddings and are best equipped to deal with last minute bookings.
As for all the other vendors you’ll need to figure out which ones are available and go from there.
If getting married soon is your priority be prepared for the possibility that your wedding won’t look exactly as planned (What do you mean I can’t have 500 tulips by next Thursday? Yes…I do realize it’s October…). So, get your dialing finger ready, start chanting your “I am flexible” mantra, and in less than two months you can be ready to say “I do!”
The Marvels & Mishaps of Marital Melting Pots
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. My fiancé & I have been engaged for a few months now but we haven’t planned anything yet because we don’t really know where to begin. I am Catholic and he is Hindu and we both plan to continue in our respective faiths after we’re married. We have no idea how to incorporate both of these things into one wedding so that we honour our families and our traditions but also reflect us as a couple. What should we do?
A. According to statistics, at least one-quarter of all marriages in North America are considered interfaith (which can mean anything from a Baptist-Lutheran union to your impending Catholic-Hindu nuptials).
Sometimes it can be quite easy to incorporate the two ceremonies: Two officiants can be present and share in the duties, for example, have the bride’s officiant perform the actual ceremony and the groom’s officiant can say the opening comments and the final blessing; or, if the two officants are amenable you can have them alternate back and forth throughout the ceremony providing equal components from both backgrounds (if they’re not so agreeable make sure they duke it out well in advance of your wedding day – the black eyes might frighten your guests).
Sometimes it requires a bit of imagination, but is still completely feasible: A priest and a rabbi (no…there’s no duck or rowboat involved…) can each perform the pertinent marriage rituals – as long as all involved are open to the situation you can still have the Catholic liturgy and vows, followed by the Jewish seven blessings and the breaking of the glass.
However, there are those situations where it is virtually impossible to blend the two ceremonies (yes – this means you…): No matter how much negotiation goes into this dual ceremony it will be very difficult to appease everyone (at the very least your parish priest might be a bit startled by the fire on the altar).
The best idea when uniting two diametrically opposed wedding ceremonies is to keep them separate. Instead of having six or seven days of Hindu events you might consider scaling it back to three or four days. Have the two ceremonies a day apart – or if you don’t mind foregoing one of the receptions (but remember that means only one wedding cake) have the Catholic ceremony in the morning, begin the Hindu ceremony early afternoon and then have one very festive reception that evening.
Best wishes & Namaste!
Back-off Mom…It’s My Turn!!
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, trends, weddings | 5 Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, AUGUST 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. We’ve recently started planning our wedding and it seems like everyone has an opinion about how everything is supposed to be done. No one really agrees which one is the “right” way, but I’m fairly certain a lot of them are definitely the wrong way. I really like my future in-laws, but their ideas are making me cringe. I don’t want to offend them – but how do I tell them that their plans are way off base?
A. Getting everyone to agree on details when planning a wedding can often require more tact and patience than a UN peacekeeping summit. You want to make sure that you’re following protocol, and do not offend your guests. However, while you are planning your wedding you are also establishing a relationship with your future in-laws and don’t want to cause hard feelings that may still be lingering when it comes time to plan your 25th anniversary party.
If the details in question are small (your future mother-in-law wants programs that include all the readings for your ceremony and you don’t), the best idea is to let them go – by letting her take charge of something you don’t care too much about – it might take the attention off a more contentious issue. If they’re a big deal like she is determined your wedding colours should be purple and green (or some other combination you find equally distasteful), or she decided she didn’t get to invite enough people and has had her own invitations printed (even though you’ve already invited more people than the venue will hold) – then something should be said – but not by you. It will make for far less hurt feelings to always have your fiancé deal with issues involving his family, and you with yours (bringing in those UN peacekeeping forces might be a wise idea also).
Here are a few tried and tested rules of etiquette that will help the bride and groom, their families and the guests from pulling their (or anyone else’s) hair out:
• The mother of the bride or mother of the groom should never host the bridal shower.
• Don’t invite 400 people if you can only afford to host 100 – and similarly don’t invite throngs of people you know cannot attend in hopes they’ll send a gift.
• Make sure your guests feel welcome – think about details like parking and dietary restrictions – and don’t expect them to pay for anything at your wedding.
• Don’t refer to gifts or gift registries with the wedding invitations; however it is ok in the bridal shower invitations as the bride or bride’s family is not hosting (see above).
• The rules of “who pays for what” are traditional – but don’t be unreasonable: don’t ask the groom’s family for money – but don’t be shy about discussing the realities of the financial situation and accepting help or to split costs.
• The bride and groom must send a written thank-you note for every gift (yes, even those crocheted place mats!) – and do so in a timely manner – aim to get them out in a month – but absolutely no later than three months after the wedding.
Good luck with your in-laws…but don’t let anyone make you lose sight of the fact that the day is about you and your fiancé…enjoy!
We’re So Pretty on Style Me Pretty!
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 | media, testimonials, weddings | No Comments
We just got an email from Style Me Pretty that one of our weddings is featured this morning on their little black book blog (now that’s a tongue twister!!).
Check it out:
http://www.stylemepretty.com/2009/04/29/ask-a-wedding-planner-a-calgary-celebration/
Happy Earth Day!
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | trends, weddings | No Comments
It doesn’t have to be Earth Day for us to think about making less of an impact on our environment. Many of couples have been asking for advice on how to make their weddings green. Here are some of the tips we like to share with all our clients:
1) Use green invitations. Believe me the quality of recycled paper has come a long way from the 80’s. This elegant invite gives you the chance to change the world one simple choice at a time. The paper is made with 100% post-consumer fibers and created without the use of chlorine compounds. The manufacturer uses a significant amount of renewable energy resources and responsible forest management practices. http://mystylishwedding.com/store/invitations-c-1/go-green-green-seal-certified-recycled-invitation-p-813.
2) Instead of cut flowers (which can be full of pesticides) there are several stunning rentals that can be used as centerpieces. Take our bronze trees for example … you can’t make more of an impact in a room.
3) Banish disposable water bottles! Hand out these gorgeous re-usable water bottles as favours instead. These sturdy metal bottles can be personalized any way you like and will help encourage your guest to kick the plastic habit as well!
4) Use a beautiful seating chart instead of placecards. We love seating charts because they don’t waste all that cardstock and are made using post-consumer material. The best part is that they are 100% customizable. Our brides love them so much that they often hang them in their home after the wedding. Check them out at http://mystylishwedding.com/store/wedding-day-printing-c-30/seating-charts-p-650
5) We love, love, LOVE these organic favour boxes. Need I say more?
Calling All Tacky Brides!!
Monday, April 20th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, trends, weddings | No Comments
Ok…seriously…I know no one sets out to be a tacky bride. I know sometimes friends, families and retail establishments give engaged couples erroneous information & advice. After writing an etiquette column for many years…and having a website titled “ask” a wedding planner…many people do just that…It wasn’t a bride that asked the last question, it was a wedding guest that was perplexed by a wedding invitation they received:
“We have been invited to a wedding and on the invitation was told there would be a presentation basket at the reception. What is this? Thanks in advance.”
So I may as well tell you what I told them:
Typically a presentation basket is referring to money – which by they way is COMPLETELY tacky to reference on a wedding invitation. You should not feel obliged to give them money if you would prefer to give them a tangible gift. It is a complete etiquette no-no to reference gifts of ANY kind on the invitation – and registries & suggestions are merely there to make things easier for the guests – it is not appropriate to mandate what, if anything, you give as a wedding gift.
Hope that helps!
When it comes to gift registry cards, sending guests gift requests, having a cash bar before dinner, letting the tulle fairy throw up on you or your reception venue….JUST SAY NO!! When you look back on your wedding in 20 years…you’ll be oh-so-glad you did! 
Kim Returns From the Jewel of the Rockies
Monday, April 20th, 2009 | travel, trends, weddings | No Comments
The team at the Chateau Lake Louise extended a very warm welcome to our team to come and experience first hand what their hotel has to offer our clients. Their AMAZING staff did a wonderful job at making the hotel feel like a luxurious home away from home. Everything from their friendly staff, romantic turndown service, and luxurious suites with breathtaking views makes this hotel a great choice for a destination wedding of any size.
If you’re thinking of having a wedding in the Rockies give us a call. Our personal relationship with the team at the Chateau Lake Louise will guarantee the very best service at the best price.
What’s a bride to do with the mystery gifts?
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, JULY 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. We just got married a couple of weeks ago and there are a couple of things we’re a bit concerned about: there were a few gifts that seemed to have lost their cards (we can “sort of” figure out who they are from based on some cards that weren’t attached to anything) and a couple of guests who normally always observe stringent rules of etiquette but didn’t give us anything – and we’re worried that maybe it got lost. Should we actually ask them (what if they actually didn’t buy us a gift – then it would be weird, wouldn’t it?)?
A. There always seem to be a few gifts that manage to lose their cards, and a few guests that amazingly seem to attend a wedding without giving a gift.
As for the guests with no gifts – this is both cheap and tacky (always a marvelous combination). Ideally, wedding guests arrange for the couple to receive their gift before the wedding – so someone doesn’t have to be responsible for getting all the gifts home from the reception.
Attention all wedding guests: although it is completely appropriate to give the newlyweds their gift anytime in the first year of marriage – if you plan to wait, whatever the reason, tell them (“We’re very sorry your gift is not here – it will be arriving at your door in six to eight months – it’s being delivered by pack mule from Argentina!”). This will save the poor couple from worrying that your gift got lost (or from deciding you’re a big cheapskate).
As for the etiquette sticklers that did not give you a gift or mention the absence of one…this is a sticky situation. Perhaps just tell them you’re worried that their gift went missing and were curious if they left it on the gift table at the reception (who knows, maybe they forgot it in the trunk of their car, or it is sitting carefully in a closet at their house).
Now…where Emily Post dictates a wedding guest has a year to give a gift – it is quite the opposite on the thank you card front. Everyone knows you’re very busy – but don’t make your guests wait forever for their thank you cards. You absolutely must send them within three months of your wedding day…no slacking! If there are a couple of cards that were not attached to anything – and a couple of gifts with no cards – simply thank them for the “lovely gift”.
So all you wedding guests out there – if you attend the wedding – give them a gift – and if it will be coming some time in the future – tell them! If you do bring the gift to the reception – make sure you’re actually putting it on the gift table…and get friendly with the scotch tape – don’t make them guess which gift is from you because the card fell off (you don’t want credit for a set of plastic mixing bowls when you actually bought them a silver gravy boat).
What’s a bride with two dads to do?
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, JUNE 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.
Q. I’m getting married in the fall. All the details seem to be coming together nicely except there’s one big problem…My parents divorced when I was eight and my mom re-married shortly after. My step-dad is wonderful and has always basically been the father figure. I am still quite close with my father, though, and I know either would be very disappointed about not walking me down the aisle. What should I do?
A. Hmmm…yes…this is always a very sticky situation when a bride is close to both her father and step-father. Unfortunately, there is never a clear-cut, one-size-fits-all, answer. How you choose to handle this is entirely dependant upon the personalities involved.
If you are very close with both men, etiquette states it is your natural father that should walk you down the aisle. For many brides, though, their step-dad has been so much more involved in their daily lives that it seems an automatic choice to ask him in lieu of their biological parent.
If both men get along and are amiable with each other you can choose to have both of them walk you down the aisle. Strictly speaking, this is a total no-no. However, unless Emily Post (or Dr. Phil) will be onsite to help smooth the ruffled feathers of the “dad” who does not get to walk you down the aisle – this is certainly a viable option. You could either have one escort on either arm, or have your father take you half way, and your step-father the other half. Another option is to choose your natural father to walk you down the aisle, and your stepfather for the father-daughter dance (or vice versa).
The only other option would be to avoid the situation altogether and walk down the aisle alone. From an etiquette perspective, this is a more appropriate compromise than, say, having your mom walk you down the aisle, and can potentially alleviate any hurt feelings. If you’re really worried about it, pick a ceremony venue that has a very skinny aisle (or a ridiculously pouffy dress). Then you can look your dad(s) in the eye and say with confidence…I’m so disappointed, there’s simply not room for anyone beside me. If you opt to go it alone, you could briefly pause to hug them both, and then have your fiancé escort you the last few feet.
It is wonderful to want to observe all the proper etiquette at your wedding…just don’t forget about the potential lifetime of angry glances over the Thanksgiving turkey before you make your final decision.
Lisa Hanslip is a Calgary wedding planner (www. askaweddingplanner.com). Her advice appears regularly on the Love Stories pages.
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