That’s Why God Invented Babysitters!
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, OCTOBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. My husband and I just got married and we had a really lovely wedding, except there’s one thing that is really bugging me. We had both decided not to have any children at our wedding, both because of the type of wedding we wanted and because we had such a small wedding, our guest list was very limited. Friends of my husband asked him about our opinion of kids at the wedding and he told them that a good gift to us would be a baby sitter as we were not having any kids at either the ceremony or reception. The first thing I saw, and heard, as I entered the church to walk down the aisle was this couple with their children, including their newborn. Am I off base or was this totally out of line?
A. I have three words for you: tacky, tacky, and tacky! Not only were his friends rude and inconsiderate, but they can’t even claim ignorance as you had a specific conversation about your decision to have a child-free wedding.
Regardless whether you are having a small or large wedding it is completely appropriate to choose not to have children at your wedding celebration. The day should reflect you as a couple, and if there are no children you are close to, or if you wish to have a “grown-up” event, there is absolutely no reason you should feel obligated to include any children on your invite list.
The best way to handle this is to be consistent: if you don’t want lots of children, don’t invite any – however, it is also ok to only invite children over a certain age. Some couples want only certain kids, for example their nieces and nephews, but no others. This choice isn’t particularly appropriate etiquette, so you need to be prepared for a little backlash.
To all prospective wedding guests out there – it has been said before, but apparently it bears repeating: IF YOUR NAME IS NOT ON THE INVITATION – YOU ARE NOT INVITED!! This includes your children, the guy you started dating last Tuesday and that unexpected house guest you need to keep entertained.
You are completely correct to be ticked off at your husband’s friends – they were totally out-of-line. As to how you should handle it now – well, that’s entirely up to you – but you should probably set a couple extra places at the table the next time you invite them over for dinner, just in case…
P.S. If it is too problematic to “not” invite the children – consider setting up a kid’s room – hire a team of babysitters and stock it full of kid-friendly fun – they’ll be nearby so their parents can check on them – you’ll get the child-free wedding you desire and you don’t have to have that sometimes uncomfortable conversation with your guests.
A Fabulous Flourish of Fuchsia
Monday, June 1st, 2009 | trends, weddings | 2 Comments
We had a GORGEOUS wedding on the weekend in hot pink, black & white. The bouquets were quite simple & understated. The bridal party was large in number – but they were all tiny – so we didn’t want them to be overwhelmed or overshadowed by large bouquets. They all looked stunning in their hot pink dresses with black sashes.
This was the largest seating chart we’ve ever had printed. It was so easy to read it helped all 300 guests find their table assignments really quickly.
Part of The Wedding Planner team during set-up
The bronze & crystal trees looked so amazing with all the orchids & swarovski crystals & hanging votives. The room was truly breathtaking. The mother of the bride cried when she saw it. All the details reiterated their invitations. They had custom seating chart, menus at each place setting, ceremony programs, reception programs, table numbers, place cards at the head table, and even the gobo on the dancefloor matched!
We used two large trees on the head table – they were visible from anywhere in the ballroom yet didn’t block any sight lines. They were luciously adorned with 3′ graduated strands of swarovski crystals and whole stems of mokara orchids.
A “peak” at the head table
the ice luge was used for their two pink signature cocktails
This ballroom has certainly never looked quite so pretty in (hot) pink!
My Bridal Party is Lopsided…help!
Friday, May 29th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.
Q. I’m having trouble choosing my attendants (or support team, as I like to think of them). I originally wanted only a Maid of Honour (my sister) without any other attendants. Unfortunately, my fiancé really wants 3 groomsmen and has already asked two of them. So I now feel stuck. I’ve narrowed it down to 4 people (one is a guy) for two spots. Two are a husband and wife. He and I have been through a lot together and have known each other much longer than his wife and I, but she has become a good friend too (and I was a bridesmaid at their wedding so I feel obliged to include her). The other two are good friends from when I was in school. How does one make this decision? Please help.
A. Choosing attendants seems to fall into two categories: it’s either easy and clear cut – you have three sisters, you have a tight knit group of four that you’ve known since childhood, you have one sister and your fiancé has one brother, etc. – or, more likely, the whole idea of having to choose more than one, but less than 12, bridesmaids is more challenging than an advanced Sudoku puzzle.
Countless brides juggle choosing who they really want vs. who they feel obliged to ask, simplicity vs. having everyone you know in matching formal wedding guest dresses at the front of the church with you…it’s rarely easy.
Just because you were a bridesmaid at someone’s wedding, does not mean you have to ask them to be your bridesmaid in return. Some women have had the (un)fortunate experience of being a bridesmaid a dozen or more times – it would be completely impractical to reciprocate. Sometimes it’s a case of – if you ask Sally, Jane will be upset, and vice versa, so you need to ask both or neither.
You could still make your friend’s wife feel included by asking her to be an usher, or do a reading during the ceremony. However, this depends a lot on her personality. You don’t want your wedding to be a cause of strife in their marriage – so if you really want him as an attendant – and you think she’d be completely insulted to be left out – then ask them both and get your other two friends to participate in some other way.
The other option is to avoid the whole mess by doing what you had originally planned – just ask your sister to be your Maid of Honour and leave it at that (don’t worry about it looking slightly lopsided).
When all is said and done, it is your day, and you should have the “support team” you want, not the one you felt obligated to have.
The Bride, formerly known as… To Change or Not To Change?
Thursday, May 21st, 2009 | etiquette, trends, weddings | No Comments
You’re getting married and there’s still that unanswered question; do I change my surname? Changing your name is a very personal decision, and should be considered by both you and your significant other.
Here are some pointers to help you in your decision if you are still unsure of what to do!
– tradition; if you have been following tradition from the beginning of the planning process, this would be the logical decision
– if you have an established career and everyone knows your maiden name, how hard would it be to let your colleagues and clients know that you have decided to change your name?
– there are some brides that use their maiden name professionally, and change their name personally
– if you and your spouse are planning on having children, it would be easier to have the same last name, especially in situations involving their school, travelling abroad, going to the doctor etc.
– if you’re worried about dropping your maiden name because you are the last in your family’s lineage with that name, consider passing it on to one of your children as a first or middle name
– how does your first name sound with his? Does it roll off the tongue, or does it rhyme, making it sound like a children’s book character?
– your maiden name has always been apart of you, but who’s to say that you have to drop it all together, more brides are opting to carry it over as a middle name
– some grooms are even taking their bride’s last name!
– you can always hyphenate your names
– if you are still unsure, a good old pros and cons list can help immensely
Quickie Anyone…??
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.
Q. My fiancée and I just got engaged about a week ago but we’d really like to get married this fall. Is there any way to plan a nice wedding for about 50 guests in less than two months?
A. Absolutely! Whether you have five weeks, six months or two years to plan your wedding it is possible to have a lovely memorable event. However, when you’re planning a wedding in a short time frame it is imperative that you be flexible (we’re talking major, look like a pretzel, contortionist flexible).
Regardless of how much time you have to plan your wedding, when you are inviting less than 75 guests your options are immensely greater than if you are having a fête for 300.
If you’re having a wedding in the spring or fall there’s a chance that traditional venues like hotels and community halls may have an opening. You might want to consider having your wedding on some day other than Saturday – which will give you more options, whatever your time frame.
Don’t overlook all the great restaurants that can accommodate 50 or 60 people and provide both great ambience and great service. Restaurants are often the most amenable to special requests for weddings and are best equipped to deal with last minute bookings.
As for all the other vendors you’ll need to figure out which ones are available and go from there.
If getting married soon is your priority be prepared for the possibility that your wedding won’t look exactly as planned (What do you mean I can’t have 500 tulips by next Thursday? Yes…I do realize it’s October…). So, get your dialing finger ready, start chanting your “I am flexible” mantra, and in less than two months you can be ready to say “I do!”
The Marvels & Mishaps of Marital Melting Pots
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, weddings | No Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. My fiancé & I have been engaged for a few months now but we haven’t planned anything yet because we don’t really know where to begin. I am Catholic and he is Hindu and we both plan to continue in our respective faiths after we’re married. We have no idea how to incorporate both of these things into one wedding so that we honour our families and our traditions but also reflect us as a couple. What should we do?
A. According to statistics, at least one-quarter of all marriages in North America are considered interfaith (which can mean anything from a Baptist-Lutheran union to your impending Catholic-Hindu nuptials).
Sometimes it can be quite easy to incorporate the two ceremonies: Two officiants can be present and share in the duties, for example, have the bride’s officiant perform the actual ceremony and the groom’s officiant can say the opening comments and the final blessing; or, if the two officants are amenable you can have them alternate back and forth throughout the ceremony providing equal components from both backgrounds (if they’re not so agreeable make sure they duke it out well in advance of your wedding day – the black eyes might frighten your guests).
Sometimes it requires a bit of imagination, but is still completely feasible: A priest and a rabbi (no…there’s no duck or rowboat involved…) can each perform the pertinent marriage rituals – as long as all involved are open to the situation you can still have the Catholic liturgy and vows, followed by the Jewish seven blessings and the breaking of the glass.
However, there are those situations where it is virtually impossible to blend the two ceremonies (yes – this means you…): No matter how much negotiation goes into this dual ceremony it will be very difficult to appease everyone (at the very least your parish priest might be a bit startled by the fire on the altar).
The best idea when uniting two diametrically opposed wedding ceremonies is to keep them separate. Instead of having six or seven days of Hindu events you might consider scaling it back to three or four days. Have the two ceremonies a day apart – or if you don’t mind foregoing one of the receptions (but remember that means only one wedding cake) have the Catholic ceremony in the morning, begin the Hindu ceremony early afternoon and then have one very festive reception that evening.
Best wishes & Namaste!
Back-off Mom…It’s My Turn!!
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, trends, weddings | 5 Comments
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, AUGUST 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP’S COLUMN “I DO, BUT DON’T…”
Q. We’ve recently started planning our wedding and it seems like everyone has an opinion about how everything is supposed to be done. No one really agrees which one is the “right” way, but I’m fairly certain a lot of them are definitely the wrong way. I really like my future in-laws, but their ideas are making me cringe. I don’t want to offend them – but how do I tell them that their plans are way off base?
A. Getting everyone to agree on details when planning a wedding can often require more tact and patience than a UN peacekeeping summit. You want to make sure that you’re following protocol, and do not offend your guests. However, while you are planning your wedding you are also establishing a relationship with your future in-laws and don’t want to cause hard feelings that may still be lingering when it comes time to plan your 25th anniversary party.
If the details in question are small (your future mother-in-law wants programs that include all the readings for your ceremony and you don’t), the best idea is to let them go – by letting her take charge of something you don’t care too much about – it might take the attention off a more contentious issue. If they’re a big deal like she is determined your wedding colours should be purple and green (or some other combination you find equally distasteful), or she decided she didn’t get to invite enough people and has had her own invitations printed (even though you’ve already invited more people than the venue will hold) – then something should be said – but not by you. It will make for far less hurt feelings to always have your fiancé deal with issues involving his family, and you with yours (bringing in those UN peacekeeping forces might be a wise idea also).
Here are a few tried and tested rules of etiquette that will help the bride and groom, their families and the guests from pulling their (or anyone else’s) hair out:
• The mother of the bride or mother of the groom should never host the bridal shower.
• Don’t invite 400 people if you can only afford to host 100 – and similarly don’t invite throngs of people you know cannot attend in hopes they’ll send a gift.
• Make sure your guests feel welcome – think about details like parking and dietary restrictions – and don’t expect them to pay for anything at your wedding.
• Don’t refer to gifts or gift registries with the wedding invitations; however it is ok in the bridal shower invitations as the bride or bride’s family is not hosting (see above).
• The rules of “who pays for what” are traditional – but don’t be unreasonable: don’t ask the groom’s family for money – but don’t be shy about discussing the realities of the financial situation and accepting help or to split costs.
• The bride and groom must send a written thank-you note for every gift (yes, even those crocheted place mats!) – and do so in a timely manner – aim to get them out in a month – but absolutely no later than three months after the wedding.
Good luck with your in-laws…but don’t let anyone make you lose sight of the fact that the day is about you and your fiancé…enjoy!
We’re So Pretty on Style Me Pretty!
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 | media, testimonials, weddings | No Comments
We just got an email from Style Me Pretty that one of our weddings is featured this morning on their little black book blog (now that’s a tongue twister!!).
Check it out:
http://www.stylemepretty.com/2009/04/29/ask-a-wedding-planner-a-calgary-celebration/
Happy Earth Day!
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | trends, weddings | No Comments
It doesn’t have to be Earth Day for us to think about making less of an impact on our environment. Many of couples have been asking for advice on how to make their weddings green. Here are some of the tips we like to share with all our clients:
1) Use green invitations. Believe me the quality of recycled paper has come a long way from the 80’s. This elegant invite gives you the chance to change the world one simple choice at a time. The paper is made with 100% post-consumer fibers and created without the use of chlorine compounds. The manufacturer uses a significant amount of renewable energy resources and responsible forest management practices. http://mystylishwedding.com/store/invitations-c-1/go-green-green-seal-certified-recycled-invitation-p-813.
2) Instead of cut flowers (which can be full of pesticides) there are several stunning rentals that can be used as centerpieces. Take our bronze trees for example … you can’t make more of an impact in a room.
3) Banish disposable water bottles! Hand out these gorgeous re-usable water bottles as favours instead. These sturdy metal bottles can be personalized any way you like and will help encourage your guest to kick the plastic habit as well!
4) Use a beautiful seating chart instead of placecards. We love seating charts because they don’t waste all that cardstock and are made using post-consumer material. The best part is that they are 100% customizable. Our brides love them so much that they often hang them in their home after the wedding. Check them out at http://mystylishwedding.com/store/wedding-day-printing-c-30/seating-charts-p-650
5) We love, love, LOVE these organic favour boxes. Need I say more?
Calling All Tacky Brides!!
Monday, April 20th, 2009 | etiquette, media, Q&A, trends, weddings | No Comments
Ok…seriously…I know no one sets out to be a tacky bride. I know sometimes friends, families and retail establishments give engaged couples erroneous information & advice. After writing an etiquette column for many years…and having a website titled “ask” a wedding planner…many people do just that…It wasn’t a bride that asked the last question, it was a wedding guest that was perplexed by a wedding invitation they received:
“We have been invited to a wedding and on the invitation was told there would be a presentation basket at the reception. What is this? Thanks in advance.”
So I may as well tell you what I told them:
Typically a presentation basket is referring to money – which by they way is COMPLETELY tacky to reference on a wedding invitation. You should not feel obliged to give them money if you would prefer to give them a tangible gift. It is a complete etiquette no-no to reference gifts of ANY kind on the invitation – and registries & suggestions are merely there to make things easier for the guests – it is not appropriate to mandate what, if anything, you give as a wedding gift.
Hope that helps!
When it comes to gift registry cards, sending guests gift requests, having a cash bar before dinner, letting the tulle fairy throw up on you or your reception venue….JUST SAY NO!! When you look back on your wedding in 20 years…you’ll be oh-so-glad you did! 
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