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\nNo, I don\u2019t want to go to your expensive wedding
\nby Melissa Leong | Financial Post | May 7, 2013<\/p>\n
We are frequently interviewed about all things wedding…here’s one from the perspective of the wedding guest:<\/p>\n
\nNo, I don\u2019t want to go to your expensive wedding
\nby Melissa Leong | Financial Post | May 7, 2013<\/p>\n
When a beautiful wedding invitation arrives in our mailbox, imagine if we could RSVP in the most honest way.<\/p>\n
\u201cDear friend, Thank you so much for wanting me to be a part of your incredible celebration. But I am spending a month\u2019s rent on gifts, a bridesmaid dress and the bachelorette party in Vegas. If you have a third bridal shower, I am going to lose it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDear cousin, I know you\u2019re getting married at the swankiest venue in the city. But my date and I will not cover our heads at $350 a pop. Please don\u2019t badmouth us to the rest of the family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDear work colleague, No way. In debt from the last wedding that I attended. But congrats.\u201d<\/p>\n
How to survive the wedding season<\/p>\n
Attending weddings can be expensive. So here are some tips to help you emerge from the tulle-draped, flower-petal littered and champagne filled celebrations with more of your money in the bank.
\n Read more here
\n.
\nWe know weddings are expensive. Weddingbells Magazine\u2019s annual survey recently revealed that couples spend an average of $32,358 to get married and go on a honeymoon. But lovebirds aside, it can be expensive for everyone else too. According to new research by American Express, people expect to fork out $539 per wedding this year, including $167 on travel and $108 on gifts. (Close family members spend an average of $179 on gifts and co-workers cough up $66.)<\/p>\n
Also, more couples are opting for destination events which raises costs for traveling guests; 24% of all American weddings in 2012 were abroad, up 20% since 2008, says TheKnot.<\/p>\n
Statistics Canada\u2019s 2008 data shows that men get married at an average age of 31.1 and women get hitched at 29.1. So for recent graduates with student loans and for people with new careers trying to build wealth, a flurry of weddings invitations couldn\u2019t come at a worse time.<\/p>\n
In the past 10 years, Mira M. has attended about 20 weddings and says she\u2019s easily spent $10,000. Last year, the 29-year-old Toronto resident went to six weddings. One bride had two engagement parties, three showers, an out-of-town stagette and an in-town stagette. And the wedding invitation read: \u201cMonetary gifts appreciated.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI gave a gift at every single event,\u201d she says. \u201cYou start to feel the pressure because the bride starts talking to you about who gave gifts and \u2018How much do you think a party like this costs?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
So how much are you supposed to give?<\/p>\n
Well, you don\u2019t have to give anything if you don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n
Big wedding gift, big mistake<\/p>\n
These emotional highs can sometimes lead to brash decisions \u2014 such as the decision to unconditionally give your newlywed children extraordinary wedding gifts.
\n Read more here
\n.
\n\u201cFrom an etiquette perspective, the most common misconception that I hear is that you\u2019re supposed to spend how much you think they\u2019re spending on your dinner. That\u2019s not the case. [The] wedding is not supposed to be a money-making or break even proposition,\u201d says Lisa Hanslip, owner and senior event designer at The Wedding Planner Inc. She used to write an etiquette column for the Calgary Herald. \u201cYou need to take into account how well do you know this person and what your particular circumstances are.\u201d<\/p>\n
She has planned several weddings in the last few years where the couple either didn\u2019t want gifts or asked for charitable donations.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel obligated to buy something off the registry. The registry is supposed to make it easier for you, in case you don\u2019t know them that well or you don\u2019t know what they need,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019ve had clients complaining about friends\u2019 registries where the cheapest thing is one silver teaspoon that\u2019s $100 and you feel so stupid buying one spoon.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buying a silver spoon is the least of our problems if we get the call to join the ranks of the wedding party. (It\u2019s like having the honour of being knighted, except the sword cuts your purse strings.) According to the wedding site TheKnot.com, the average bridesmaid could face a bill for $1,385 when adding all potential costs.<\/p>\n
Julianne Taskey, a 31-year-old Toronto resident who works in fundraising has been in six wedding parties; she spends about $1,000 to fulfill her bridal party duties.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m a spender. It\u2019s someone\u2019s special day so how do you put a price tag on it. How do you say, \u2018No?\u2019\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
Take just one of her events. The cost included more than $400 for a bridesmaid dress, $150 for hair and make-up, $80 for shoes, $50 for a pedicure and manicure. Add to that $150-$300 for a wedding gift, $50 to $100 for shower gifts and $500 for the bachelorette party. \u201cThe rooms, the cabs, the drinks, strippers, the bridesmaids tank tops. I probably have four [tank tops],\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
Going to people\u2019s weddings could deepen your relationship
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\nDebauchery isn\u2019t cheap. At bachelor parties, Armando Guedez\u2019s friends call him \u201cthe banker.\u201d That\u2019s because the 31-year-old Toronto resident doesn\u2019t drink much.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019ll give me the money and my job is to make sure they don\u2019t make stupid decisions with their money,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s been invited to about five weddings in the last few years and the bachelor parties are the costliest part. \u201cI usually budget $500. Drinks could be $150 to $200. The hotel and gas is shared so $50 to $100. Food might be $100. The rest goes to the ladies.\u201d<\/p>\n
The price of these man-parties and the $150 gift that Mr. Guedez gives at weddings is worth it, he adds. \u201cGoing to people\u2019s weddings could deepen your relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n
Michael O\u2019Farrell, a 31-year-old entrepreneur who lives in Gatineau, Que., flew to Las Vegas for his cousin\u2019s bachelor party.<\/p>\n
\u201cWithout the flight, it was close to $1,000 to $1,500 for three nights,\u201d he says. \u201cYou\u2019re a bunch of guys. They say, \u2018Why don\u2019t we spend $1,000 on drinks and bottle service?\u2019 Everyone chips in. There\u2019s definitely peer pressure and the guilt trip. In some cases \u2026 no one wants to take charge and if you do decide to, you\u2019re loading up your credit card.\u201d<\/p>\n
He will also buy a new suit to wear to weddings. Blame Facebook for being a catalogue of our formal wear for everyone to see. (To deal with this, Mira once rented a $2,000 gown for $150 from Toronto company, Rent frock Repeat, to wear to a black-tie wedding.)<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been invited to a Jack and Jill where I wasn\u2019t invited to the wedding. It\u2019s so tacky
\n.
\nYou cannot put a dollar amount to attending a wedding, Mr. O\u2019Farrell says. \u201cIt\u2019s a once-in-a-lifetime event for the bride and groom. Getting an invitation is a sign that you\u2019re important in their lives. It\u2019s important for you to be there and you want to share that moment with them \u2026 If you get invited, it\u2019s not proper to say \u2018No.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve said \u201cno,\u201d and not sent a gift (which according to my mom, is the rudest thing in the world). I\u2019ve said \u201cno\u201d to being in someone\u2019s wedding party. I also don\u2019t go to what Winnipeggers call \u201csocials\u201d or Jack and Jill parties where guests pay a cover and buy raffle tickets to help raise money for someone else\u2019s wedding.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been invited to a Jack and Jill where I wasn\u2019t invited to the wedding. It\u2019s so tacky,\u201d says Kirsten Ellison, a 28-year-old student at the University of Calgary.<\/p>\n
She has three weddings to attend this summer in Ontario and one bachelorette in Las Vegas. She\u2019s been saving and spreading out the costs for the flights, for the \u201cspa-rty\u201d (spa party) ahead of one wedding and the hotels.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know of people who\u2019ve taken a second mortgage on their house to have a wedding. It was an extravagant thing and all of the bridesmaids were swept up as well,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s important for the couple to have those who are close to them, family and friends, to be there and be supportive. At the same time, it has spun out of control and gone beyond the celebration of two people getting together.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We are frequently interviewed about all things wedding…here’s one from the perspective of the wedding guest: No, I don\u2019t want to go to your expensive wedding by Melissa Leong | Financial Post | May 7, 2013 When a beautiful wedding invitation arrives in our mailbox, imagine if we could RSVP in the most honest way. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,4],"tags":[27,261,310,15,308,309,226,47],"class_list":["post-989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media","category-trends","tag-calgary-weddings","tag-etiquette-expert","tag-financial-post","tag-lisa-hanslip","tag-melissa-leong","tag-national-post","tag-the-wedding-planner-inc","tag-wedding-etiquette"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=989"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":992,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989\/revisions\/992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}