![\"bridalparty\"](\"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/wp-content\/2009\/05\/bridalparty.jpg\")
<\/p>\nORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP\u2019S COLUMN \u201cI DO, BUT DON\u2019T\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way.<\/p>\n
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Q. I\u2019m having trouble choosing my attendants (or support team, as I like to think of them). I originally wanted only a Maid of Honour (my sister) without any other attendants. Unfortunately, my fianc\u00e9 really wants 3 groomsmen and has already asked two of them. So I now feel stuck. I\u2019ve narrowed it down to 4 people (one is a guy) for two spots. Two are a husband and wife. He and I have been through a lot together and have known each other much longer than his wife and I, but she has become a good friend too (and I was a bridesmaid at their wedding so I feel obliged to include her). The other two are good friends from when I was in school. How does one make this decision? Please help.<\/p>\n
A. Choosing attendants seems to fall into two categories: it\u2019s either easy and clear cut – you have three sisters, you have a tight knit group of four that you\u2019ve known since childhood, you have one sister and your fianc\u00e9 has one brother, etc. – or, more likely, the whole idea of having to choose more than one, but less than 12, bridesmaids is more challenging than an advanced Sudoku puzzle.<\/p>\n
Countless brides juggle choosing who they really want vs. who they feel obliged to ask, simplicity vs. having everyone you know in a matching dress at the front of the church with you\u2026it\u2019s rarely easy.<\/p>\n
Just because you were a bridesmaid at someone\u2019s wedding, does not mean you have to ask them to be your bridesmaid in return. Some women have had the (un)fortunate experience of being a bridesmaid a dozen or more times – it would be completely impractical to reciprocate. Sometimes it\u2019s a case of – if you ask Sally, Jane will be upset, and vice versa, so you need to ask both or neither.<\/p>\n
You could still make your friend\u2019s wife feel included by asking her to be an usher, or do a reading during the ceremony. However, this depends a lot on her personality. You don\u2019t want your wedding to be a cause of strife in their marriage – so if you really want him as an attendant – and you think she\u2019d be completely insulted to be left out – then ask them both and get your other two friends to participate in some other way.<\/p>\n
The other option is to avoid the whole mess by doing what you had originally planned – just ask your sister to be your Maid of Honour and leave it at that (don\u2019t worry about it looking slightly lopsided).<\/p>\n
When all is said and done, it is your day, and you should have the \u201csupport team\u201d you want, not the one you felt obligated to have.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE CALGARY HERALD, SEPTEMBER 2005, IN LISA HANSLIP\u2019S COLUMN \u201cI DO, BUT DON\u2019T\u2026\u201d The long road from happy engagement to wedded bliss is paved with potential etiquette faux pas. Wedding planner Lisa Hanslip is here to help you resist your inner Bridezilla along the way. Q. I\u2019m having trouble choosing my attendants […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7],"tags":[45,27,15,272,226,273,47,270],"class_list":["post-894","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-etiquette","category-qa","tag-calgary-herald","tag-calgary-weddings","tag-lisa-hanslip","tag-lopsided-bridal-party","tag-the-wedding-planner-inc","tag-uneven-bridal-party","tag-wedding-etiquette","tag-wedding-expert"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/894","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=894"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/894\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":896,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/894\/revisions\/896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=894"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=894"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.askaweddingplanner.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=894"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}